Ep.74 - Original Recording (1)
===
Christa Elza: [00:00:00] Being turned on as a woman isn't a linear process. It's not, okay, I see somebody, I see my partner they touch my body and off we go. It [00:00:08] is very intertwined. In fact, just being emotionally intimate with a person can be a turn on. Vice versa, you know, [00:00:16] alternate is true too.
If you're emotionally distant from your partner, You oftentimes have a hard time feeling sexually driven to them. Also, [00:00:24] if you're feeling protected and comfortable and so the relationship, so emotional. Closeness has a huge tie for women. So it's a kind of a veering [00:00:32] away from that linear approach of like, do this, then this, then this happens.
That doesn't always occur when it comes to being turned on and wanting to be connected with [00:00:40] somebody physically.
Welcome to the wild and well, a collective podcast where we believe [00:00:48] empowered health is your superpower. We have combined our expertise in medicine and nutrition to bring you the latest research, expert insights and success stories [00:00:56] of people on a mission to live a big life. So buckle up and get ready to learn how to live wildly [00:01:04] well.
Christa Elza: Welcome to another episode of the Wild and Well Collective. And today we're going to be talking about. [00:01:12] Libido in both men and women. It's a very common concern, complaint, challenge [00:01:20] for both men and women. I would say it's probably more common with women, but it certainly happens with men as well. As we age, it can [00:01:28] become an issue for sure, but it can be multifactorial, which I think is an interesting conversation because, [00:01:36] When I know when my patients come to me, they are wanting a quick fix.
They're wanting a pill. They're wanting a shot. They're wanting a hormone. [00:01:44] And that can definitely be helpful, but it's not always the answer. So I don't like to jump right into that before [00:01:52] addressing other aspects of libido, particularly for women. So I'm excited about this conversation because I think most people can [00:02:00] relate whether it's happened to you personally or your partner.
Or a friend, right? So, Sheree, why don't you start us out [00:02:08] with how prevalent do you see it with your clients? I mean, you deal with women with hormones. I deal with men and women, both. But how common do you see it in [00:02:16] your women, in your population?
Sheree: I quite often find this is something that Thankfully, most women end up feeling comfortable sharing.
It's a [00:02:24] conversation that can be a little bit hard initially, and I get that, sometimes there is the concept of self worth that comes into this, where they maybe don't feel like [00:02:32] they're attractive anymore, whether that's a body image issue or that is, it's coming from again, the self worth place, or it's actually [00:02:40] something that's hormonal.
Like they kind of just shut down and maybe their adrenals are overstimulated. They're not producing what they need to. [00:02:48] They maybe haven't been strength training, so we'll get into this, but the testosterone isn't where it needs to be. And so there's a number of these factors that these [00:02:56] women are sitting in my office or they're jumping on zoom and they're just like, they're kind of either come to acceptance that they don't have a libido anymore, [00:03:04] which.
Let's just give some context. That's not, that doesn't have to be your reality, but they've also like, I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to feel sexy [00:03:12] in my own skin. And it's actually quite heartbreaking when you think about it. So I'm really pleased we're having this conversation because it's a lot more common than I think people [00:03:20] think.
And I do think it's something that a lot of men don't talk about, but when you do, even just in, groups of friends that I've spoken [00:03:28] to, when people do get to the crux of it, it is an issue.
Christa Elza: Yeah, I always start out with labs. So, we do need to look at the whole picture and [00:03:36] getting a good panel including sex hormones is vital because we need to know, is that driving it?
So, obviously, if [00:03:44] we find, men, if they're under 2 or 300, typically, almost always they'll have lower sex drive with their testosterone. [00:03:52] Women, it varies sometimes the testosterone being low can drive it. Sometimes it doesn't almost always, if we just go [00:04:00] straight for replacing testosterone, it will help at least temporarily to completely shift that and drive sex drive up but that [00:04:08] doesn't always last, especially for women.
Which is why I not only look at lab work, but we also have to look at the bio [00:04:16] psychosocial aspect of it. So bio meaning the lab work, psychosocial meaning where are we at mentally in our [00:04:24] relationship and then social where are we at with our beliefs around sex and all of those topics and belief about your body, et cetera.
So [00:04:32] it's kind of a, It's more in depth than just looking at labs. And so I think it's important, even if we find that sex hormones are low, [00:04:40] that we should still address other aspects of sexuality and of libido overall. I [00:04:48] start particularly with women. The Basen model of sexuality for women is a great [00:04:56] model because this woman who developed this model really integrates the whole person into it.
In other words, saying it's [00:05:04] not a linear. Being turned on as a woman isn't a linear process. It's not, okay, I see somebody, I see my [00:05:12] partner they touch my body and off we go. It is very intertwined. In fact, just being [00:05:20] emotionally intimate with a person can be a turn on. Vice versa, you know, alternate is true too.
If you're emotionally [00:05:28] distant from your partner, You oftentimes have a hard time feeling sexually driven to them. [00:05:36] Also, if you're feeling protected and comfortable and so the relationship, so emotional. Closeness has a huge tie for [00:05:44] women. So it's a kind of a veering away from that linear approach of like, do this, then this, then this happens.
That doesn't always [00:05:52] occur when it comes to being turned on and wanting to be connected with somebody physically. So the other aspect of it [00:06:00] too, could be just the emotional physical connection. I guess I'm repeating myself in that sense, but it's definitely emotionally tied when it comes [00:06:08] to that side.
Have you found that with your clients as well? Like, addressing the relationship, where are you at? Where are you at feeling safe with this [00:06:16] partner? Where are you at feeling like you can openly communicate about life in general? That tends to be really helpful. For women, in my opinion.
Sheree: Oh, a [00:06:24] hundred percent.
I think this is a, it's a beautiful conversation to be able to have and obviously be able to hold that safe space as well, like if we're thinking [00:06:32] about both men and women, but women in particular, I love that you brought up the, it's not a linear, you see someone you turned on it's arousal, like [00:06:40] that can be, and in most cases is the situation for men, like there is more of the physical boom.
That's why, if we think about. Porn [00:06:48] versus you know what turns a woman on, I love my smart books I'm not gonna lie and there's a huge market for those because [00:06:56] women are very they like the emotion They like the man to be emotionally connected to the woman and when you're reading about it it's far [00:07:04] easier to get that excitement level or you can see like as a Woman would get turned on there'll be like the big Their urge to have [00:07:12] sex or their sexual desire would increase because they are far more connected like you said in that emotional capacity, but the other thing you really [00:07:20] touched on was the safety piece and Without going down, you know as a trigger warning like going down the sexual assault path [00:07:28] there is one in three women that have been sexually assaulted like that is the statistic last time I checked and so you know, we're not only [00:07:36] dealing with a potential situation where there may have been abuse in the past, and this isn't just and I'm not undermining it by any mean, [00:07:44] this isn't necessarily just the one off cases either.
A lot of the research supports and points to people in marriages and people in [00:07:52] relationships having been raped. And that's not necessarily to the degree that we may have even understood it. When you think about what that [00:08:00] looks like, it is the not being ready. It is not feeling safe in a relationship.
It is the body going, no. And [00:08:08] so. We do have to think about how safe we feel. We do have to have this conversation far deeper than the lab work, far [00:08:16] deeper than what might be going on on a physical level. It does do, does your womb feel safe? Is the vaginal area actually [00:08:24] lubricating itself in preparation for six because your body is.
Feels safe enough to have sex with that person. Is there that [00:08:32] emotional connection that you feel safe? So there is, this is such a big topic, I think. But if we think about some tangible things, [00:08:40] Christa, like once a woman, it feels safe and she opens up and she talks about some of the stuff going on, like from an emotional perspective, what is your first recommendation or [00:08:48] suggestion?
Christa Elza: Yeah, I think first of all, understanding and being aware of that, because that can bring down a lot of feelings of inadequacy, whether you're a male [00:08:56] or female and frustration just acknowledging the fact that maybe it's not a physical thing. Maybe this literally is an emotional thing with my partner.
And this is [00:09:04] true for men too. If they don't feel safe in the relationship, if they've had past it's less common with men, but certainly happens, sexual [00:09:12] trauma. If there's something that just creates that that emotional disconnect that there is no pill that is going to overcome [00:09:20] that.
And so it's a great place to start. And I would recommend if you kind of do a self [00:09:28] inventory of your current relationship and you're frustrated with your libido. Really look at that. Are we going on dates or are we [00:09:36] just having intimate conversation at the end of the day or maybe having an open conversation about how you're feeling like I'm feeling [00:09:44] disconnected or I'm feeling really afraid about this or that and I haven't opened up to you.
And so opening the lines of communication can really make a huge [00:09:52] difference. in those feelings of safety with your current partner, in those feelings then of being sexually attracted to somebody [00:10:00] because you feel intimate with them emotionally. So, The next phase I would look at is, okay, you might feel safe with your [00:10:08] partner, but do you feel safe with yourself?
Are you okay with your self image? Because women who don't feel [00:10:16] good about their body are going to be less likely to express themselves sexually because they hold back because they don't feel [00:10:24] good about themselves. So you've got to kind of work on your relationship with yourself as well.
That's an important piece. I mean, if [00:10:32] you don't feel comfortable being naked, then you're going to be more likely to just not allow that to happen. And so that's an important thing to [00:10:40] realize as well, that there's some inner work to do within yourself and evaluate is that what's driving some of my inability or just [00:10:48] disconnect because I just don't feel comfortable in my own skin.
Sheree: A hundred percent. Like, there's a confidence thing in the amount of women you talk to and they're like, oh, yeah, I don't have sex with the [00:10:56] lights on. Again, that's, that's what you want to do. There's absolutely no judgment or shame or harm in doing that. But again, exploring like, why [00:11:04] is that? And then you talk to the male counterpart and the male counterparts going, she is gorgeous.
Like she's stunning. I look at her and I'm just [00:11:12] so in love with her. And it breaks their heart to have this beautiful woman in front of them who is so in her head about her body [00:11:20] that she's unable to feel confident and sexy and have that relationship and that connection. So, then that brings it back to that emotional side of things.
So [00:11:28] we do have to really look at ourself. Is there the safety? Is there the emotional safety? Is there a self image that needs to work? [00:11:36] Is it something and there's absolutely nothing wrong like if you come back to the physical standpoint if you do want to feel sexier or look sexier in terms of [00:11:44] going out there and doing something about it, maybe you do want to lose a bit of weight but also doing the deeper work as to how can I feel sexier in my body [00:11:52] right now and claiming it back no matter what age you're at as well because I think again you talk to a woman once they hit their 40s or [00:12:00] I talk to the woman who are going through menopause or even post menopause and they're like, Or like it's saggy or it's wrinkly or it's like I'm just not [00:12:08] attractive anymore.
But then I talk to other women who are like I am the most confident the most sexy I'm the most happiest I've ever been in my body and [00:12:16] they're 60 65 years old and I'm like It really is a mindset thing That is a huge part of this too because you can [00:12:24] embody whatever you want to be and part of that is the emotional work that we're talking to here
Christa Elza: And men 100 percent experience this too.[00:12:32]
If they're not feeling good in their body, they're working more than they're working out. They haven't been eating right. All of those [00:12:40] things contribute to self image issues with men as well. I think it can surprisingly be just as common for both. Maybe not as common. [00:12:48] I do think women tend to be a little bit more critical of themselves.
However, it's definitely. Common for men to especially in middle age [00:12:56] to notice changes in their body and to not feel as confident either. And so addressing that, maybe openly having a conversation with your partner around [00:13:04] that the other area that I address and look into is. How were you raised and what were your beliefs around [00:13:12] sex in general?
Because if you were raised in a very strict home around that, a lot of times there can be guilt and shame, even with your partner, with [00:13:20] sexual exploration or things like that. And that can really contribute to a lack of excitement around it, a lack of [00:13:28] feeling okay with having a higher sex drive.
And so I would also. Encourage anyone who's struggling with this to kind [00:13:36] of go back and peel back the onion a little bit about, look, how was I raised around sexuality and does that limit me? Does that kind of, am I putting myself in [00:13:44] kind of a clear box? Of course you can step out of it, a glass box.
You can break that, but. Is that keeping you from [00:13:52] really exploring like the level that maybe your partner wants to explore with you? Or just kind of suppressing your own drive because of the history of the way [00:14:00] that you were raised, whether it's religion or whatever, that's really kind of keeping you and holding you back from allowing yourself to feel more of a high [00:14:08] sex drive, because that's a common thing as well.
Sheree: And the other side of this conversation where it. directly impacts our [00:14:16] hormones just as much as our emotional state is the stress. We think we've talked about the nervous system so many times on this podcast, but a lot of things come back to [00:14:24] it. And when we think about this picture of stress, if you're stressed, you remember you're in your fight or flight when you're in fight or flight, the last thing on your mind is [00:14:32] reproduction.
And one of the biggest Things that I always share is like your parasympathetic, which is your rest and digest [00:14:40] system is also your reproduction, right? Your reproductive hormones aren't going to be firing at optimal levels if you're living in fight or [00:14:48] flight. So if you've got a high stress job, you're constantly feeling like you're on, it's going to turn you off centrally in the bedroom because [00:14:56] you're not Giving your body the ability to produce the testosterone at the level it needs to be produced or and For females particularly [00:15:04] like the progesterone even to feel calm enough to then have that opportunity to enhance your libido we're living in that fight or flight state [00:15:12] It's no wonder you kind of get to the end of the day and you're not interested.
And so, that works for both men and women as well with these high stress, high performing. So if you're [00:15:20] sitting here, like, please know that it's common that this happens and there's nothing wrong with you. It's just exploring like, what is it? Is it a relationship [00:15:28] issue? Is it an emotional issue?
Is it a body image issue? Is it a physical issue? Is it a combination of these factors? Even I can speak from personal [00:15:36] experience. Mine disappeared for a while. And I was like, this is bizarre because that's never been an issue before. And part of it was a safety thing. And the [00:15:44] other part was like, as soon as I started taking a herb to support my testosterone levels, wow, did it change, like, [00:15:52] so that really lifted things up and it was amazing just to see how adding in.
To some testosterone support so from a physical [00:16:00] level I was able to feel so much more not only just you know turned on or like you felt that like a drive to have [00:16:08] sex but The confidence piece, because I think that's the other thing that people don't understand is that testosterone actually really supports your confidence [00:16:16] levels.
And so when we're looking at women, particularly as we start to get older, the testosterone can pick up, which is amazing, but it [00:16:24] also can drop right down. And so if we're not doing anything to actively increase our testosterone, like things like weightlifting or in my case, [00:16:32] adding in that herbal support, the confidence might not be there too.
And that can then impact you in the bedroom. Yeah.
Christa Elza: For sure. Yes, stress plays a huge [00:16:40] role. Lack of sleep plays a huge role. So being present and being in the present moment, especially if you've got a lot going on. in your life and [00:16:48] there's a lot of stress, it can be difficult to be in the present moment.
And that's also important to be there, to be present with the person that you're trying to be intimate [00:16:56] with, right? So you brought up a really great point when it comes to stress. So let's go back to the physical. So let's say, once we've kind of gone through this whole [00:17:04] biopsychosocial model to look at all of that, we go back to the bio and the biological reasons that this could be happening and what can we do about it?[00:17:12]
So We always want to look at hormone replacement because if hormones aren't on point, then the other compounds and peptides aren't going to work as effective either. [00:17:20] So I always look at testosterone, estrogen, progesterone in women and then testosterone, DHEA in men. And we can [00:17:28] either give testosterone directly or estrogen directly, or we can do precursors to it.
There's precursors like pregnenolone, DHEA. [00:17:36] So. We can help stimulate the body naturally versus giving direct hormone. So it just kind of depends. And sometimes we have to layer it on and trial and error because [00:17:44] everybody's body responds a little bit differently. For women who are postmenopausal the lack of estrogen can really change the [00:17:52] health of the vaginal canal.
So we do want to replace if it's a safe choice for them to replace either systemic [00:18:00] or vaginal estrogen, because the difference between premenopausal and postmenopausal tissue all over the body, but [00:18:08] particularly in the vaginal canal is pretty drastic, and that can create a lot of issues. Pain with sexual activity increase UTIs, things like that, that [00:18:16] just really, if you have pain, you're not going to do something that causes pain.
Right? So we want to address some of those issues with hormones directly. [00:18:24] And then, if we've optimized sex hormones, and we're still having an issue, there are some pretty interesting [00:18:32] peptides and creams that we can use. So PT 141 is a peptide that we have in our body, but it simulates the brain. To [00:18:40] stimulate that sexual arousal.
So that's a pretty good one. Using things like Tadalafil, Sildenafil, Viagra, Cialis. Those can be helpful in small doses for women, [00:18:48] larger doses for men. They just help blood flow. They help arousal in that sense because it opens up blood vessels. Throughout the body, [00:18:56] oxytocin is another really good one.
It's like the cuddle hormone and my
Sheree: favorite
Christa Elza: and that's one that we can [00:19:04] combine with other peptides that kind of helps you feel more connected in the brain. So, there's some really interesting combinations [00:19:12] that we can try, whether it's a topical cream or a pill or even injections that can help stimulate the brain, [00:19:20] then to enhance sexual arousal.
Some of them are taken daily, some of them are just taken as needed, as you desire that effect. I think [00:19:28] taking an integrative approach around it and realizing and recognizing as the patient, like you do have some options. So don't be frustrated with [00:19:36] yourself because there's many is common number one, and there's many options to really help improve.
The experience that you're having [00:19:44] currently
Sheree: 100 percent and like, even, you've mentioned some of the more medical side of things or the integrative approach, but there are herbs as well. Like, if you just want to try [00:19:52] regulating the hormones from that perspective, that's the route that I've gone down in the past and see a lot of my clients really successful with, or like, I mentioned the strength [00:20:00] training side of things to boost your testosterone.
If you're not lifting weights, that's one. Ironically, we think, we quite often need the testosterone to go to the gym to [00:20:08] have the motivation to lift. Yeah. But it also helps that testosterone production things like ashwagandha. If you are someone really, really high stress, I've noticed [00:20:16] giving that to woman helps calm them down.
I worked specifically with women. I'm sure it does the same with men helps calm them down. They get out of their head a little bit more. Their body's [00:20:24] able to produce. your sex hormones a lot better and in a lot more balance because you're not dragging your resources over to that fight or flight response [00:20:32] and That then allows them to feel like they get their libido back having something like Vitex or chase tree which supports your progesterone production Again that [00:20:40] calmness when we feel safe in the body that can support libido So like inadvertently this isn't like take this is gonna support your libido But [00:20:48] inadvertently these herbs can really help and the one that I was talking about before the direct testosterone production is Tonka Ali.
Now that's a [00:20:56] form of ginseng, which helps with your energy levels, but it also supports testosterone production and men may quite often couple that with something called horny goat [00:21:04] weed, which I mean, it tells you the name itself that it's going to do the great job. So you can also explore herbs if you're kind [00:21:12] of like, well, let me see if I want to go down, like which route I want to go down.
Like there's so many options and I think it's really important to listen to your body and one of [00:21:20] the other. Biggest things. I see as an issue for women is that they're not ovulating and if you're not ovulating You're not gonna get that sex drive You [00:21:28] look like your body tip it like it's goal every month is to fall pregnant If you don't like whether you want it to or not, that's literally its [00:21:36] goal And you know if you're in your menstruating years And so if you're not ovulating or you're not getting a high quality ovulation You're not gonna get that [00:21:44] beautiful surge of estrogen and then that drive to actually want to have sex or be intimate.
So there's that that we have to consider too. And so [00:21:52] bringing in, whether that's the hormone replacement or bringing in herbs, it's going to be really helpful.
Christa Elza: Yeah, I think it's important to recognize men, their [00:22:00] testosterone rises every morning and falls throughout the day. Oh, we don't get it in
Sheree: the morning?
Christa Elza: Yes, everything rises in the morning. Which is [00:22:08] something also, if men, if you're not getting an erection every morning, that is a sign. Often if you are having erectile issues, I look at [00:22:16] cardiovascular risk because if there's cardiovascular risk, I mean, the reason you get an erection is because of blood flow, right?
So if we have [00:22:24] any kind of issue in the cardiovascular system, it can certainly affect your ability to have an erection. So, we do want to look into that, [00:22:32] particularly men who are middle aged, mid 30s and higher. We want to look at some cardiovascular markers, make sure that we're healthy there. For women, [00:22:40] acknowledging the fact that we are different, very different hormonally throughout the month.
So, most women feel the most peak in [00:22:48] their libido week two and week three of their cycle. I would say week one and week four tend to be less peak. And [00:22:56] certainly the week of your period, which is week one. So, I mean, recognizing that to you, giving yourself some grace, communicating clearly with your partner, [00:23:04] working on relationship issues, working on stress management, and then getting thorough blood work Done and really speaking with a [00:23:12] practitioner who understands the full dynamic of sexuality and libido can really solve a lot of the [00:23:20] issues around this and get you back to living your best life all around
Sheree: and if you do have any issues or history with [00:23:28] when it comes to sexual assault like make sure you get some help and support like this was not meant in any way to Overshadow any of that.
So, look at the help lines. [00:23:36] We can even look at putting them in below because that's a much deeper issue that we do need to address.
If you love this [00:23:44] episode, be sure to leave us a review, download and subscribe. If you know someone that could also benefit from this conversation, please share. That's how we spread empowered [00:23:52] health. We'll see you again for another episode of the Wild and Well [00:24:00] Collective.
