WWC - Ep. 56
sheree beaumont: [00:00:00] it's great to have a partner, or it's great to have friendships, or it's great to have a mentor.
But if you, Come to that from a space of [00:00:08] wholeness and not that you're looking outside of you for that person to fix you or heal you or be the answer that you know [00:00:16] you can do it. You may just need some guidance or some support like from a community or something like that. I think that's where the true power lies is when [00:00:24] you know that you're whole in and of yourself and you get to show up in that way.
[00:00:32] Welcome to the wild and well, a collective podcast where we believe empowered health is your superpower. We have combined our [00:00:40] expertise in medicine and nutrition to bring you the latest research, expert insights and success stories of people on a mission to live a big life. [00:00:48] So buckle up and get ready to learn how to live wildly well.
sheree beaumont: Welcome back to another [00:00:56] episode of the Wild and Wow Collective. We are so excited to be diving into a solo episode and speaking of solo [00:01:04] episodes, we are looking at the topic of, I guess, flying solo and what it's like to Be present with [00:01:12] yourself, take yourself on solo dates, do things that are probably outside of your comfort zone.
As high achievers, we often [00:01:20] put ourselves out there. We tend to be a little bit more on the extroverted side, even if you're like myself and you need to recharge introvertedly, you're outgoing. [00:01:28] You may, there's a lot of people who have the FOMO and they're not out there doing things and doing big things in the world, but that quiet time and that time where [00:01:36] you get to be alone can sometimes be.
A little bit scary or a little bit of an edge or even going somewhere and doing something on your own can feel that way. So [00:01:44] Krista, when you think about the aspect of being in solitude, and this doesn't necessarily mean sitting and meditating by yourself in a room, [00:01:52] but doing things on your own, like what really comes up for you?
Christa Elza: Yeah. So this topic is interesting because I've always associated myself as [00:02:00] being an extrovert and I have to be around people and I have to be busy and COVID actually. Revealed a lot to me [00:02:08] because I knew that nobody else was out and about doing things. It really woke up a side of me that was okay doing [00:02:16] nothing and was actually excited about the fact that I could just relax and hang out by myself and read a book or watch [00:02:24] TV or do a puzzle.
And all of those things, I never really gave myself permission to do prior to that because [00:02:32] I was always kind of revved up by and led by the FOMO, you know, like, well, people are doing things I need to be out and I need to be busy and I need to [00:02:40] be social and I never even recognize the side of myself that really does need and does enjoy alone time.
[00:02:48] So I will say up until that point. I didn't explore it very much. And from then I have realized that I actually do need downtime. [00:02:56] Like I have a lot more I guess what's the word I have a lot more strength within me. Like I don't need to look to others [00:03:04] for answers all the time. I tend to always, I mean, I still am in that habit at times that I have to catch myself of like, doubt [00:03:12] within myself, making a business decision or You know, just working through some uncomfortable emotion thinking, oh, I've got to call.
So and so I've got [00:03:20] to talk to somebody and I've learned now that I get to pause. And really source what the knowledge, the wealth of [00:03:28] knowledge within me you know, and communicating more. I use the term God to communicate more with God and get answers innately [00:03:36] versus always looking outward for.
External validation and also answers, and [00:03:44] I have found it to be actually super empowering. To spend more time alone instead of outsourcing all of my power [00:03:52] constantly and not trusting myself. And so I would say over the past 4 years. I have really grown in that area and [00:04:00] I'm far less afraid of my own answers or trusting, I should say, trusting myself to come up with the answers and I'm [00:04:08] far less likely to go out when I'm just purely exhausted, you know, whereas in the past, I would kind of be like, Oh, I'm [00:04:16] tired, but I'm going to go anyway.
Not that I would ever do that still or, you know, somehow Smell there. But I mean, I see the value [00:04:24] more, I guess, in alone time and downtime and reflection time. That's been my experience. I love that. And I
sheree beaumont: that you brought up external [00:04:32] validation because I think, and like you said, you outsourced your power to other people and I'm the same way we see it with clients, patients all the time.
It's coming [00:04:40] back to, we looking for the answers outside of ourselves. And that's because there's a part of us that doesn't feel whole or complete or enough. Or like you say, [00:04:48] have that trust within ourselves that we actually do have the innate wisdom. We do have that beautiful intuition. We do have the [00:04:56] answers within ourselves.
And so when we've, and it may be our conditioning, it may be past relationships, friendships, things that we've [00:05:04] grown up with that have really Kind of put that need for external validation in ourselves. I mean, if you even think about back [00:05:12] in childhood, it was, you were considered the weird one if you were alone or you did things alone.
It's like, Oh, she's a loner. She's [00:05:20] sitting by herself at lunchtime, like this idea or this concept that it's not. Safe to be alone, or it's not okay to be alone, or you're the weird one when you're [00:05:28] alone. And so, one of the things I've been doing recently is challenging myself to go on little solo dates.
And that doesn't mean [00:05:36] I'm going and sitting somewhere by myself, which I'm also open to doing. Like, I've taken myself out for lunch, but I managed to do that a number of years ago. [00:05:44] Still not quite ready to go to the movies on my own, but like, I went to an exercise class that I wouldn't normally go to.
By myself and ended up, you [00:05:52] know, meeting people, you're still around people, but it's putting yourself, I think on that in that discomfort in that space where it's like, Oh, I [00:06:00] don't know anyone I'm showing up to a new environment. That's a little bit weird or different or out, you know, the unknown, and I'm okay [00:06:08] with seeing what happens.
And I think when you think about. growth when you think about being a high achiever or high performer, [00:06:16] you need to constantly put yourself in these situations. You need to constantly put yourself outside your comfort zone. Or like you said, actually be okay going [00:06:24] inward and not being out there all the time, not having to, Oh, I'm, Constantly being at, being seen at the right [00:06:32] places.
It's like, it's actually okay for me to be at home reading a book right now. And being comfortable in your own presence, because I think there's a lot of fear [00:06:40] sometimes if I slow down, if you like, you know, I'm sure you notice this when you do it, the inner work with your clients, when you slow down, there's a lot of emotions that can come up [00:06:48] and unconsciously people can be keeping themselves busy purely because they don't want to look inward as well.
Christa Elza: Oh, for sure. I. even know I was doing [00:06:56] it. It was kind of an unconscious thing that I know in my personality it was just constantly like, if I keep busy, if I don't [00:07:04] sit too long then I don't have to deal with whatever, whatever was going on. I was recently watching there's a series on, I think it's [00:07:12] on Netflix alone.
And it, the whole premise of the show is that these people go to very challenging, like the Arctic and they have to [00:07:20] survive So it's kind of twofold. Like they really need to understand how to survive in the wilderness. But it was really interesting. A multitude of [00:07:28] them left in the first two weeks, not because they didn't have food or shelter, but because they couldn't be alone anymore.
Like they were saying, I'm just so anxious. I'm so [00:07:36] depressed. It's bringing up all these things that I've never dealt with before. And it's really uncomfortable. And I thought that was an interesting observation [00:07:44] that they could survive physically. But mentally, they were checking out because they just couldn't take being alone.
And I think like, this is complete [00:07:52] isolation for weeks at a time. And you know, that brings with its own challenge. I know that we're made to be in groups, but I think that the interesting point is it was bringing [00:08:00] up things within them that didn't want to face. And it was really overwhelming.
And so I know for me doing some of the inner work and really [00:08:08] facing, maybe, you know, people call it the shadow, your dark side, parts of you, they don't, they Necessarily love about yourself and could use some refinement [00:08:16] can be hard sometimes to deal with. So I would say that the alone time is a process in terms [00:08:24] of.
Choosing yourself, choosing relaxation, choosing that but I think the more I got comfortable with that, it. it feels cozy. It feels good to [00:08:32] be alone and it wasn't right off the bat, you know, but I think coming to terms with like, no, and I'm being honest with myself. Like I, I love who I am and I [00:08:40] want to respect who I, like my needs, my physical needs, maybe my mental needs, because I'm in an office all day talking with people and it's okay.
I'm not [00:08:48] out and about, and it's okay to take time for myself. It's okay to reflect. It's okay to do all of these things. But anyway, I find it interesting that some people, you know, at [00:08:56] the beginning of that work, it really can be uncomfortable.
sheree beaumont: Well, I even found, like, I think about from a [00:09:04] perspective of not even the external validation, but the when stuff comes up, and I didn't realize this is, you know, digging into childhood and that, but I [00:09:12] struggle to self soothe.
So if I'm going into the deeper inner work, or like you're mentioning with those people that were alone, it was like, [00:09:20] I can process this and I'm okay and I can do the inner work. I can journal it out. I can speak it out. I can, I can cry, like let it all come up and out. [00:09:28] But afterwards I need a hug. Like I, I'm like, I'll be shaking or something.
And it was so interesting again, looking at it from the [00:09:36] perspective of MOK being on my own. A lot of the time it was like, I'm comfortable doing that, but then I need someone else to help me [00:09:44] regulate myself. And so It's been a process, especially in the last year or so for me, not having a partner or [00:09:52] not having someone that I could go to and be like, you know, kind of help me navigate through this, being comfortable, soothing myself, being [00:10:00] comfortable being like, Oh, okay.
It's okay. You're fine. You're safe. Like that sense of safety wasn't even there for me. And, you know, without [00:10:08] going into all the depth and the detail, I think there's also that fear that can potentially come up again. A lot of this is unconscious and a lot of this you won't [00:10:16] realize is there until you're prepared to go into the deeper work.
But I think as a starting point for people, it's looking at [00:10:24] when we even say right now, how do you feel? If I was to take yourself on a solo date or to take yourself out to lunch on your own. [00:10:32] How do you feel doing things on your own? Could you go away for a weekend on your own? I mean, I remember when we did a retreat and [00:10:40] I was virtual, you were in LA at the time.
I took myself away for 10 days and honestly, the healing that happened [00:10:48] being in that space and in that time, yes, I was connecting online and yes, I was going to like cafes and stuff during the day, wineries and that sort of thing, [00:10:56] but I was still on my own. I had to come home to myself on my own. It was the first time in my adult life.
I haven't even spent a night, a night by [00:11:04] myself in a house with no one else. And now. Like, right, right. The second, my flatmate's away and it doesn't even cross my mind that [00:11:12] I'm in a house by myself. Like, I'm so much more regulated and I think it's looking deeper at what patterns or what habits do you have and where are you willing to [00:11:20] challenge those?
Christa Elza: Mm hmm. Yeah. I think, you know, it's my goal through my process too, to, and like, [00:11:28] really get my patients to understand. And I mean, You know, my motto, our motto here is empowered health is your superpower. And the reason [00:11:36] I really believe in that is that when you're empowered, no matter what it is, if you're empowered in your health, if you're empowered in your business decisions, if you're empowered in managing [00:11:44] your emotions there's just so much more freedom in that, that you're not relying on somebody else because people are not always going [00:11:52] to be there, or like the particular person that you go to isn't always, you know, Going to be there and to be your own source [00:12:00] of power is the greatest freedom.
And one of my core values is. Freedom. You know, I don't want to have to rely on someone to make me feel better. And I think [00:12:08] being comfortable with myself or questioning myself and really being more inward has helped move through moments, waves, [00:12:16] whatever, of anxiety, of depression. Because instead of running from it, just actually setting in it and having a conversation with that emotion [00:12:24] that is alive in you at that moment, what's actually going on.
Because consciously I don't always know. I'm like, Oh geez, I'm just having like a good what a deal. [00:12:32] And oftentimes if I just stop, give that emotion time, give that emotion a voice. That emotion will then express I'm overwhelmed. I [00:12:40] don't feel like I'm doing well at this or I feel like I could be better at this or that self beat up voice will come back up again.
You should be doing better. You should be doing more, [00:12:48] whatever. And I realized, oh, that's what I'm carrying around unconsciously. So let me have a conversation with that part of me and make amends [00:12:56] and say, hey, that's fine that you feel that way. Right. But we're a team. And you're doing great and kind of mothering and parenting that younger version of [00:13:04] myself.
Again, that's me with me and it's really a powerful tool to be comfortable with yourself, but also feel okay. Feel enough, [00:13:12] feel content without needing to be invited to something or be in a conversation with somebody else or be getting advice [00:13:20] from somebody else. It's really empowering to say, Hey, I can do this.
On my own. And of course there's room for collaboration and [00:13:28] connection, but I think our conversation today is just about where does the power lie in just doing it on our own sometimes.
sheree beaumont: And [00:13:36] bringing that part of you into whatever you're wanting to achieve, whether that is a relationship, whether that is your health, you know, actually being able to stand on your own two feet, of [00:13:44] course, it's like, helpful to have a coach, or it's great to have a partner, or it's great to have friendships, or it's great to have a mentor.
But if you, Come [00:13:52] to that from a space of wholeness and not that you're looking outside of you for that person to fix you or heal you or be [00:14:00] the answer that you know you can do it. You may just need some guidance or some support like from a community or something like that. I think that's where the [00:14:08] true power lies is when you know that you're whole in and of yourself and you get to show up in that way.
[00:14:16] That's when the momentum begins. That's where the, the magic truly happens because you're not looking outside of you [00:14:24] for, like you talked about right at the beginning, the answers or the solution or the thing to keep you safe or more like, you know, that you are enough [00:14:32] as you are.
Christa Elza: Yeah. And the cool thing about that is that it shifts your way of being.
And when people, or just [00:14:40] frequency vibration in general, Starts to match that you start to naturally attract higher quality friendships, [00:14:48] higher quality relationships better business because your way of being is more of a confident. [00:14:56] Vibration more you and each one of us has such amazing beautiful, you know, power within us, right?
Like, [00:15:04] we're all really dynamic. We're all really different. And when we're completely not trying to be somebody else, if we're just really diving into who we are. [00:15:12] It's a different way of being and I think you emanate that and you start attracting what you actually want. And so I would encourage people to really do the work to [00:15:20] be able to do that because I think it's, it's always a work in progress.
As long as you're a human being, there's always going to be. Next level that we can take within knowing [00:15:28] ourselves better or tapping into and trusting ourselves more. But what would you say are the first steps for someone to take? Like, what did you do to kind [00:15:36] of start this journey of being okay? I
sheree beaumont: think that the first thing really was doing things that felt [00:15:44] slightly uncomfortable.
Like I can still tell you the moment I took myself out to lunch by myself. I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm going to look [00:15:52] like such a weirdo. I'm going to sit in this restaurant. And then and I challenged myself. I actually challenged myself. It's like, you're not allowed to look at your phone.
You're actually not allowed to sit there [00:16:00] and do work on your computer. You are not allowed to distract yourself with other things. You're not even allowed to take a book in there. Like, just go [00:16:08] and be present with yourself and eat your lunch. And I think the crazy thing was, is that you sat there and you're like, Oh, that's not that scary.
What was I even [00:16:16] worried about? And then it got into the, I mean, I'm always being a gym person. So going to my gym where I worked and everything was and doing [00:16:24] classes on my own was never scary, but something like that was, but it's doing things where you're like, that's an edge for me and I'm going to set myself the challenge to go to [00:16:32] the movies by myself because that does make me feel really, really scared, even getting on a plane by myself, right?
I've never done that or staying [00:16:40] overnight. It's like. Pick something that's maybe 10 percent of your heart. Do the easy thing off first. Like the lunch was an easy thing for me. And then it was like, okay, what's next? What's [00:16:48] next? What's next. And noticing the emotions that then come up. And like you say, nurturing that part of yourself, mothering that part of yourself.
You don't have to do that in the [00:16:56] middle of the restaurant, but being like, oh, wow, I'm noticing how much I want to reach for my phone. I'm noticing how much angst I'm [00:17:04] holding in my body. I'm so tense right now. I'm noticing. That I'm looking around the restaurant being like, is everyone thinking I'm weird?
Like, just notice the thoughts that come up in [00:17:12] your mind. And again, you might even note them down somewhere or just be present with them at a different time. But just acknowledging those [00:17:20] emotions as they come up when you are alone. And it might not even be that you're outside of the house. It might be that you're like you said at home and you're like, Oh, I'm not [00:17:28] going anywhere.
I don't have any plans. Why does this feel so uncomfortable to just be sitting down reading a book? Why does it feel so uncomfortable just to [00:17:36] be doing quote unquote nothing when actually you're just being present with yourself? .
Christa Elza: Yeah. My personal challenge doesn't come [00:17:44] necessarily from doing things alone.
I think that comes from being a military child and having and moving all of the time. I mean, I literally moved, [00:17:52] I don't know, 12 times throughout my, you know, like I was always at a new place. I did travel nursing, so I'd show up at a new hospital by myself. I would move [00:18:00] by myself. Mm-Hmm. I've certainly fly by myself.
I've, you know, so those kinds of things don't create as [00:18:08] much like anxiety within me, but it's the, the missing out. It's the not being included in. An invitation or in a [00:18:16] group or in, you know, and I think that stems from childhood as well, just like being a new kid a lot and also being a social new kid, well, [00:18:24] I better figure out who to hang out with and fast and figure out, and then kind of morphing my way and like morphing myself, kind of shape [00:18:32] shifting to be whoever the in crowd needed me to be, to be.
You know, the popular third grader, whatever. But you know, I mean, that that [00:18:40] kind of ingrains a habit. And so for me, spending alone time and kind of circling back to what COVID allowed my area of growth [00:18:48] was kind of like, here's all this open space. And nobody's doing anything anyway, so get in touch with yourself, like, get into the nitty [00:18:56] gritty, be okay being alone, like, how are you going to entertain your mind, yourself, like, and finally being like, [00:19:04] wow, this is really, Relaxing this is actually really for myself, and I've never looked back.
Like, honestly, [00:19:12] that was kind of my 1st step of just like, it's okay to be to spend time outside of what everyone else is doing, you know, [00:19:20] and not being included or. It doesn't bother me near as much as it used to. And I think part of my work in [00:19:28] doing that is really focusing on what's important to me.
Like I'm currently at the stage where spending time with my kids is really important because they're getting older and soon they'll [00:19:36] be headed to college over the next five years. And so it's important to me to spend more time with them, which [00:19:44] means at home versus going out all the time. Right. So it's just really being in tune and with myself and like, But what do I really value?
It doesn't really [00:19:52] matter if I'm going to dinner with these six people versus staying at home and doing dinner with my kids who are present right now. And because I know [00:20:00] that's temporary, that's not going to be forever. And so I, and I don't know that in the past I would have been able to kind of piece that and tease that out because I would [00:20:08] have just been so narrow minded on like must go to the dinner that everyone's going out to, you know, being okay with sitting at home on a Friday night, which would [00:20:16] Turned me inside out a few years ago. So, progress and I encourage each one of you listening to challenge yourself a little bit on the things that we've talked about, whether [00:20:24] it's going to the movie alone or flying alone, or just simply staying home and choosing yourself and listening to your [00:20:32] inner conversations, your inner desire, like the part that maybe you're unconscious really needs some downtime and really needs you to connect with.
sheree beaumont: I love [00:20:40] it. I love it. I love just having these chats as well, because I think it's just a little insight of conversations that people might not even be aware of going on in the [00:20:48] background. So hopefully you guys found this helpful. I hope you take on the challenge of doing something solo and we'll see you next time.
Bye.
[00:20:56] If you love this episode, be sure to leave us a review, download and subscribe. If you know someone that could also benefit from this conversation, [00:21:04] please share. That's how we spread empowered health. We'll see you again for another episode of the Wild and Well [00:21:12] Collective.
