Christa 0:00
Hello everyone. We're so excited to have Kirsten here. Kirsten, thank you for being with us. And I think let's just get started with sharing how you like your beginnings, right? Like, how did you kind of get to where you are now, what was the path to getting to where you are now?
Speaker 1 0:17
Oh, my goodness, I feel very blessed with how led my life was. I mean, God, just did a really great job of like, Okay. Sister, now this direction, okay? Sister, nope, nope. Now this direction many times, and placed the right people in my life at the right spaces to maneuver my life in the right direction. So I grew up in a very musical family, and didn't really have a lot of direction in my life. We grew up very, very poor, so it was more just getting through the day, not like this is how you plan for your financial future, like that. That was never in my lens as a child. And so in my senior year in high school, I had the opportunity, and I had space in my schedule to join choir. And I always loved singing, so I joined choir. Next thing I know, very quickly, I was the section leader for the sopranos, and then next thing I know, I'm the one running class when the teacher was absent, instead of the substitute, and she was that first nudge in the right direction, yeah, because I didn't even have plans for college, I was just like, I'll find a job. Figure out what I'm going to do. And she was the one who came to me and said, You know, I really think you should consider being a choir teacher. And I was, I think you'd be really good at I was like, Oh, okay. And so then I went to college and like, Okay, I'm gonna go be a choir teacher. So I went to Western Washington University in Washington State, and part of the music education degree is you have to take voice lessons. So we were doing an opera at the college, and my voice teacher said, I think it'd be a really great experience for you to go try out for the opera. So I went and did that, and next thing I knew, I got one of the lead roles, which I did not expect. So now I'm learning that level of performance from zero to 60 very quickly, and it was double cast, and we didn't have enough guys to fill all the roles, so they had to hire in a professional to be my counterpart. And it was the opera. Was The Marriage of Figaro. I was contessa, and we needed so. I was a countess. We needed a count so that's who the professional was. And after working with him through the opera, he took me aside and said, you know, Kirsten, you have, I know you have a heart for teaching, but your voice is too beautiful to be stuck in a classroom. I really want to encourage you to go pursue professional opera. And I was like, Okay, are you guys getting the theme here how this is going? Yeah. So Okay, and so I got my degree in music education. So I was choir teacher during the day, opera singer at night. And I did that for a few years. And teaching was a little tougher than I thought it was going to be in the public school system. And when I got thrown across the classroom by a student, I decided, you know, this is not what I signed up for. So at that point, I decided I really did love teaching and I loved singing and having the ability to perform. So I decided to open my own studio and teach the way I wanted to teach. So at that point I went from, you know, public school teacher to entrepreneur. And it was a beautiful thing, because it gave me the opportunity to when I had kids, I also got to be part time at home, mom and part time, you know, professional and entrepreneur, and still a singing teacher. So that went on for a long time. And then after I got divorced, and now trying to juggle all these things as a single mom, and especially as my kids started going into full time school, I was having a hard time juggling seeing them, making sure I had enough work coming in. I had a very good, very successful studio. But the problem is I had so many students, I was never seeing my own kids, because all the all the lessons were after school, right? So I'm not seeing my own children till like seven o'clock, eight o'clock at night, every night like this is not working. And so then a friend of mine, who had grown up performing and singing and dancing, but was in corporate and finance, I was talking with her about it, she goes, you know, your skill set is desperately needed in the corporate world. As a girlfriend, I don't know what that looks like. I have no clue what that looks like. Okay, I've got soccer moms lined up outside my door to teach lessons to their kids, but I've never been in corporate I don't, you know. I don't know what to do with it and but she could see it. I didn't have the exposure to it yet. And she goes, Well, tell you what, why don't you come to a networking event? And I'm like, What's a networking event? I didn't know what that was at that point. She explained to me what it was, and she said, you know, just dress up nice. You know how to do that. Come and just explore it, check it out, and then we can sit down and talk about it afterwards. I. And so, of course, I was like, Okay, I'll do that. And so I showed up, and it was my turn to introduce myself. There was about 15 people there, I think 1215 and I introduced myself. I'm, you know, Kirsten. I own oshield studio. I'm looking to take my skill set for a performing and helping people in the corporate world who are wanting to speak, either on stage or for presentations or whatever else, right? That's as far as I got. The person next to me puts out his hand and starts shaking my hand furiously, and he's like, I I'm so happy you're here. I desperately. I like, I'm your first client. I need your help right now. And I'm like, okay, yeah, well, I and honestly, I didn't even know what to do with this guy yet. I went to my friend. I'm like, I've got a client. I don't know what to do with them. And she goes, just, you know, have your first session, get some questions, get a feel for what he feels like he needs help with, and then just give him some performance stuff, you know, just like basics, like how to walk across the stage. Just start there, like, Okay. And then I met with him, and within the first 10 minutes, the light bulb went off. I was like, Okay, I see it. I get it. I see where what I'm teaching in performance and singing translates 100% to what people need in the corporate world, they like just the massive, massive light bulb went off, and from that moment to within three years, I had developed body language strategy. I was flying around the country speaking at corporate events. I mean, it just took off like crazy, wow. And so I did, and I was still teaching voice lessons. I still had my because that's that was my heart. I still was doing that part time, and then now developing this new speaking career and coaching career, doing being an executive presentation coach, and then developing into being now is a master body language strategist. And as I was doing that, I was going really, really, really well, covid hit, and I lost $60,000 of speaking gigs within a week because everything shut down. Yeah, so I really had to figure out okay, and I had already been in coaching internationally. So I'd already been working with directors in Google and with eBay global around the world. So I was already in actually, I was coaching on Zoom seven to eight years before covid ever hit. So I'm a new I already had that in place, and I already knew how to keep that part going. So I moved everything to online, and then next thing I knew, I had people coming to me asking me, how do we do this online? So then I started teaching workshops. I had to be effective in, you know, working with your teams on Zoom. That became another thing that I did was moved into being a real estate instructor for I do that on and off, still with body language strategy. And then when I moved to Texas, that's when the next shift came of I started opening more clients here, getting more business here, and I started having people, specifically women, coming to me, saying, I really I want to do what you do. I find this fascinating. I find it so impactful. I know what a difference it's made in my life. How can I become a coach? Would you train me? And I'm like, Okay, I and it still works. And I realized very quickly to move from me being the sole coach to now building this out for other people to be doing this, I needed to expand the brand and help it to make more sense of all the different kinds of coaching I was doing, because I'm coaching on many different levels. It's body language, it's team development, it's business design, really making sure you have flow of how you're showing up in your business from top to bottom. And then I've always had a passion for and wanted to do more with helping women in leadership. So use that opportunity to then launch, a year ago, the Business Leadership Excellence Institute, the Blei, which I'm the CEO of and the founder and now that houses everything that we do, and I have four coaches currently working within the Blei, and that's how we got here, right
Sheree 9:42
the journey I have to say, I really commend. But every time you spoke about the next opportunity, and I love that you saw it as an opportunity, first and foremost, versus even a challenge. And it was like, Okay, let me just dip my toes in. Let me see how this works out. And I think that is a huge. Huge takeaway for our listeners, even in itself, like just being open to possibility, just being open to what may present itself, and what many may have seen as a curveball, it's like how you just reframed or you just jumped at it, and it's, let's see what this leads me and so I thank you for sharing that it's such a beautiful journey that you've been through, and one I'm sure it's head, it's it's ups and downs, but you've navigated
Speaker 1 10:23
it very unique. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. I do feel like the one of the major lessons that I've learned with this, specifically as an entrepreneur, going through all these different phases of this, is flow is really important. And and if we don't feel like we're in a flow of our business, we will miss many, many opportunities. So I always say to my clients, you never want to be a pond. You want to be a river. You've always gotta, because ponds become very stagnant. They come very comfortable, but they always they become
Sheree 10:58
polluted. Yeah? Murky. Waters murky,
Speaker 1 11:01
right? Things become murky. It seems like it be easy, because it's not doing anything, but then all sudden, it's just really gross and yucky, and you don't know why. So you've got to keep that flow and that that fresh energy moving and flowing, because that next corner, you may think what's coming around, but no, it's going to be completely different. But that doesn't mean, you know, going through those rapids or whatever shows up, what's on the other side could be just this most experience, right? Yeah, to flow with that.
Christa 11:30
When I think about water and I think about masculine and feminine energy, which we we talk about, like those two, we all have all of it, right? But right, feminine energy is like water, and instead of being in that masculine like, No, this rock has to move, you just be a river, and you have some powerful feminine energy, and you go around it, and you're like, great, what's on the other side of this? And the flow keeps going. But I think when I heard your story, what I would love for you to expand on, which has piqued my curiosity, is really the body language for confidence. And I think a lot of us are just unaware, really, of the impact that our body language has. It's not just about what we're saying, it's how we're saying it, right and yes, is it posture? Is it facial expressions? Is it all of it? Is it the tone of our voice? What is body language, and how does that impact our impact that we have with other people?
Speaker 1 12:25
The answer is yes, all the above, D, all the above when it comes to body language, this is what I found fascinating, and didn't realize until later, how much my performance experience trained me in body language. But that's a huge portion. It's not just the voice. It's what are we translating with the voice? What are we translating with the expression? And an opera, specifically, it's the highest level of performance, right? With the highest level of energy on all levels. And so learning how to expand your personal presence out into a crowd of 1000s and 1000s of people, requires a lot of knowledge of an awareness of what you're doing, and most people are only about aware of pretty close to maybe 40% of their body language. And I the way I look at it is, if my child came home with 40% on her math quiz, we're gonna have a big old talk that she's not gonna like, right? And that's where a lot of people walk away from those conversations having noted that negative talk in their head of I don't like how that went. Well, that's because you got a 40% on your math quiz. You were only 40% aware of your body language and what you were exuding out, right? So stepping into that higher awareness of what your body language is, how it works, what it translates, how people are going to connect to that, that's your power, and that's your permission that you're giving to other people to connect with you. And that's life changing. That is it doesn't Yes, I talk about in business all the time, but this isn't everything in life and and I deal with body language strategy, which is my system that I have created to systemize the effectiveness of body language is we really are looking at what is it to be in the deep core human condition, and how we connect one to one. And so something I think that's really important for people to understand how that works is, and this doesn't matter who you are in the face of the planet. This is just one human to another human, okay, what? And this is all level of communication. 55% of our human to human communication is body carriage, body movement and facial expression. 38% is vocal. Tone and vocal cadence. That only leaves 7% for the message. So when we're saying, it's not what you say, it's how you're saying it. Yeah, big time, right? That's the key. And the way I like to illustrate this. So to make it make sense, the message is really important. I'm not saying we throw out. Never worry about what you're going to say, nope, nope, nope. That's not correct when it comes to the message. I want you to think of that 7% if you're looking at a house, 7% is the foundation, right? That foundation is exceptionally important to be very strong, to be very stable, to be very consistent. But I'm here to tell you, if you're walking in to look at a house that you want to buy, no one walks into the house and goes, oh my gosh, this foundation. It's so gorgeous. I just I have to have this house because the foundation is so amazing. Okay, no one cares what it looks like, but they want to know it's there and it's solid, right? That's our words. They have to be there. They have to be solid. They have to be consistent. That's where the honesty and integrity come in your messaging, but how you deliver it is how people want to be a part of it. That's the important part. So now the 55% right? The body carriage, the body movement, the facial expressions, that's the makeup of the house. How many rooms are in the house? How many bathrooms Do you have? How big is the living room? How big is the kitchen? How many windows are there? That's what am I going to live in? In this right? That's when we see how you're delivering this with the physicality. That's where we're going to go. How much do I want to be a part of this? Yeah, and then the vocal tone and the vocal cadence, that's what pulls up our heartstrings. That's the landscaping, that's the colors on the wall, that's all the refineries, the window dressings, that's the carpet style and color and the hardwood floors and the granite countertops, right? That's the Oh my gosh. But I just I love this so much that when we speak it a certain way, that's what changes our hearts.
Christa 17:20
I think when I think about cadence, I'm thinking like a newscaster, like a journalist, like you, generally, you're not a journalist, but yeah, on the news, they check, you can really hear a certain style. I guess that's pretty across the board. That's what you're talking about, right? Just the way it's presented, or the way things are spoken, yes.
Speaker 1 17:40
So if you think of people like very famous actors or actresses like James Earl Jones, right, everybody can immediately, of course, he came very famous with Star Wars and being Darth Vader, right? Luke, you know that that kind of thing we think of like, oh, that deep, rich voice, right? We feel it in the bones. It gives us an actual sensation. It's called bone conduction. It's actually a thing. And yeah, so we actually feel each other's our voices and our bones, which is super, super cool, by the way, yeah, yeah. Or Morgan Freeman, right? He's got that very soulful he's always playing God or speaking in the background of all these planet shows, right? Because he's got that very soulful feel to his voice, right? It pulls us in. We're not seeing him, but we're still. We have that emotional pull. Right? If you ever heard Maya Angelou speak, she had a very beautiful, very velvety voice, and man you want to talk about, like wisdom, literally moving through the air, right? You could literally feel it in the air with how she spoke about it. So it's the style, the feeling, the inflection, the physical tone that's used in the voice. That's what hooks us. You can look great. You can do it, but, and that's what I'm saying, body language strategy. I can show up and say, okay, flip your hair at this time, and everybody's going to laugh. Okay, great. But that's not going to make them buy in okay? It's the combination of all these different things together that gives people permission to feel, know and want to know more about who you are and your message and what you're doing.
Sheree 19:22
I think it's so powerful, like, I'm pleased you broke it down in two percentages, because I've heard like 60% of its body language, but it's so interesting to know that it's at 55 and you got the 38 only 7% is actually the words and the messaging. And I must feel validated when you said, you know it is actually how you say it just as much as what you say, and it does generate those feelings. And I'm a huge believer that, you know, our voices, just as much as music, are a different vibration, which is why we can feel it right and feel it in our bones. And if we think about our listeners, I know we talked a little bit about the confidence. Piece, but a huge part of being well and feeling well is the relationships that we have around us, and if we can communicate effectively, and if we can communicate with confidence. And I'm not just talking about from a business perspective. I'm talking about, you know, with our partners, with our friendships, like the amount of times I know we can walk away from a conversation like you mentioned earlier, and you go, I wasn't very pleased with how that went. And even our perception of the other person's body language, the perception of, oh, that's what they meant, because they said to them that phone, but the way we've interpreted it, or the way we've interpreted their body language, could really make a huge difference. And so I'm wondering if there are any specific tips for someone that's listening, that maybe really struggles with communication, or really struggles with how to hold themselves when they walk into a room. Maybe they're a little bit more introverted with a little bit more confidence, because I know it can feel very overwhelming. They may not be stepping on stage, but maybe they're walking into a boardroom, or maybe they're they've got a challenging conversation that they know they have to have with a family member, and you want to sit in that seat of confidence when you have those conversations?
Speaker 1 21:11
Absolutely yes, and that's I had the really unique experience of when I was working with Google and Ebay. I was working with directors literally all over the world, and that's where I really honed in on exactly what you're asking. What are those things? And I got this giant global petri dish of being able to test this everywhere. Okay, with all different demographics, men, women, different cultures, different faith backgrounds, you know, different body sizes. It was amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better place to play with this and working with all these leaders globally. I i You should have seen my wall. I had sticky notes. Like the entire wall was covered with sticky notes. Just kept tracking what's sticking out about this. That's what I call the stick the sticky note wall, and I noticed it came down into four main things, when we're looking to and when we're pulled to someone specifically in leadership, but in any kind of conversation, we're always going to respond to confidence. We're always going to respond to competence. We're always going to respond to trust, or we're always going to respond to approachability. So those, what I call those are the four pillars of body language success, and that's what the system of body and language strategy is. What's body language in those four things? Because when you show up exuding those four things, people automatically want to know who you are. They automatically are going to listen to what you say, and they're going to retain it at a higher level. Okay, so again, that's part of that permission factor, that each one of those have different things that work together as a whole, that create that entire picture, that create that entire scenario. Permission, and I call this magnetizing, okay, this is how you magnetize people to you. I always giggle on the inside when I'm talking to someone, maybe on the phone, or someone sent an email introduction, or we make plans to meet each other, and they say, How am I going to know too? I'm like, you'll know. And every time I'm like, Yep, I knew the nanosecond you walked in the door. It was you. And it's because I do exude all four of these things on a regular basis, and this is what allows people, this is where we get into that deep, emotional aspect. When you exude all four of these, you are giving permission to be seen, you are giving permission to be heard, right? And it opens that door for those conversations to go to that level faster with your permission. And so the beauty of that is it, because that's why I say it's magnetizing. It magnetizes people to you and those conversations to you, which then magnetizes more opportunities to you. And the other part of that is then when you know how to stay in that state and connect it to your core values, and connect it to your want list, which are other practices that we do inside of the Blei Now I call this staying on your core, that you learn to exist on your core, which your body Language is connected to. This becomes your vetting system of opportunities that are connected to your core. When they magnetize to you, you go, Okay, right? That's where that comes. When other opportunities show up like this is not connected to my core, they will naturally vet themselves away. That's amazing. It's amazing, and it's life changing. Well, it's not only in business, but in your life. Yeah, we've
Christa 24:52
learned that the body is the unconscious, like we do things before we even know that we're doing them in our physical body. But. Forward, conscious. Sometimes know why we're doing that. And so I think that that's really, really cool. What you just said, how you can magnetize or repel because you are, I mean people, and we unconsciously can read people unconsciously. We don't even know we're kind of on autopilot like that, I think, as humans. But I think what's cool about what you teach is that you get to raise your awareness about what you're unconsciously doing, because we sometimes are in patterns, I think, that we don't even know are not serving us right? You know, in combining kind of wellness and wildness in our life, how do you find that people you know being confident, I think, is an inside job first before you're going to be able to kind of manipulate the physical body to really, genuinely, authentically exude confidence. Once you get to that point, though, you know I would argue, and I'd love your feedback, that that This relieves stress, that you can walk more confidently in your relationships and in your business and in your life, if you kind of solve some of these problems, right? What are, what's your take on that? I
Speaker 1 26:05
totally agree with that, because, again, that that comes to learning to exist on your core, and with all the research that I've done, and not only with what I've read out there, but really all these case studies of watching my clients go through this for 30 years now, right? I've been doing this for a very long time. Is what I find is that, because you're so used to, and when I say used to, you gotta remember this is also part of muscle memory. You build it into your muscle memory to show up this way that is also connected to what I call is muscle Association. Muscle association is twofold. It's how muscles when you have muscle memory, it's how one muscle learns to move. Muscle Association within the muscles is how the two muscles learn how to move together. Okay, one side to the other. But there's also an emotional association of how your muscles react to certain emotions, and that's run from the primal brain. Primal brain rules everything. By the way, it'd be really cute to think that we're all super intellectual. Yeah, that's not how we work. Yeah, it's super cute. But no, yeah, primal brain rules everything, and I can prove it in what happens in your body when you stub your little toe, which is not even 1% of your body mass, right? Your right? The whole thing pulls inward towards the fetal position, right? It goes automatically into protection mode, right? We don't have to think about that. That's an automatic okay, but here's the thing about the it just it's a safety factor. I'm going to protect myself. That's what the primal brain rules. It's all about survival of self and survival of tribe. So when? But here's the thing about the primal brain, it does not distinguish between physical threat and emotional threat, okay? Or physical pain and emotional pain. It just goes. It's just the alert system. There's problem, okay? So when we're in that state of angst, when we're in that state of upset or anxiety, until you build a different muscle memory and a different muscle Association, the body is going to want to pull inward. And that's why we look at that as insecure, as unsure, as not engaged, because it is in a it is showing the body is in a protective mode, so we have to rewire the when I show up. So this is on my guess I'm a body language expert, but really what we're working is rewiring the mindset to the body. So there is a lot of mindset work in body language strategy to get these two wired correctly together,
Sheree 29:06
like light bulbs just went off in my head. And I have a follow up question, I guess from that, because a lot of the work that we talk about, you know, with our clients, is moving them out of that fight or flight space. And, you know, not only reprogramming from a mindset perspective, but making sure their cortisol levels are not super high and they're running around in that high adrenaline, go, go, go, and some I'm really curious if you are practicing this enough is, Am I understanding it correctly that it almost becomes so automatic that You're less likely to go into that freeze or flight or like that kind of sheltered I want to curl up and hide in my turtle shell so your response to the anxieties, your responses to the stress, become more automatic, like I'm going to handle this with confidence, which then allows us to actually handle that emotional state a lot better. Or is, Am I understanding
Speaker 1 30:01
that is correct? So we create the muscle memory of moving into correct breathing, correct posture, which then puts the body and its prime state to interact without being overloaded.
Sheree 30:16
Yes, like hacking the system this way? Well,
Speaker 1 30:18
yeah, well, no, actually, the exact opposite. It's actually using the system correctly, yeah,
Sheree 30:22
okay, yeah, yes, so that it uses itself correctly, rather than Yes,
Speaker 1 30:30
back in its prime state, yes, yeah. And I really do I want to say, and this is something I'm actually going to be doing a big training on with my event that's coming up in May is I'm going to teach. I really fully believe this fear has been so mistranslated in the world, in this society, it's actually, it's an energy source. That's all it is, but we don't know how to use it anymore. So this is part of that rewiring. Is rewiring the body to go into, remember the word flow, to go into the flow of the state that the fight and flight actually enacts and puts into play. For you guys, it's like, I care. I'm helping. I'm right here. I got all this energy. I got I got stuff. What do you want? Let's do it. And we've been taught to go, Nope, don't do anything. Mm, hmm. And so they just sit there and fight and fight and fight and fight and fight and fight fight. And that's where I very firmly believe personally, this is where depression comes from. This is where anxiety comes from, because we're not allowing the system to work correctly, and it the mind and the brain are meant to flow and enact together, and we're not letting them. And
Sheree 31:39
so it's like that, and I talk about it quite often. And I wonder if you've experienced this a lot with your clients, that idea, especially around public speaking, or when you have to have be on stage or in a big meeting of some sort, that fear this and anxiety versus the excitement. And so is that part of the reprogramming. It's like you can either walk in and you can be like, well, this energy I'm channeling right now can be fear and make me shrink, or it can be I'm going to bottle I'm going to use this bottled up energy as a form of excitement and exude that through my presentation, or exude that in my communication.
Speaker 1 32:13
Exactly, yes, that's the whole point. It's and the beauty of learning to put that into action was something I used to tell my singers, what you know, when you feel butterflies, when you get nervous, get them flying like crazy, like move them around. That's get them go everywhere. Okay? That's actually it helps to enact the the inertia of the blood flow of the adrenaline, and get it moving effectively through your body, instead of trying to stop it, right? So then again, it becomes an energy source, and we're allowing everything to help itself. So yes, that's exactly how it works. And the cool part about this is, and I'm going to give a little tip here, one of the cool factors of confidence, and I can't say this word enough, is posture. Posture, posture, posture, and then posture some more. Because when our body is in that placement, the breath works correctly. And the beauty of that is the first shot of oxygen goes up into the brain. The brain is about 1.5% of the body mass, but it uses up 20% of our oxygen. Wow, so it and here's the really crazy part only, and I think this is really being very generous in this percentage. So far, research shows about 20 to 25% of the population, only that much actually breathes down to the bottom lobe. Mm, hmm, right, because of bad posture, because the movement of the ribs holding the diaphragm too high. So when we're in good posture, we now get to inflate the lungs completely. We get a full oxygenation to the brain, which now means we're in a higher focus, which means we're also in a state of awareness, which then produces that presence on the outside again, gives that permission of everybody go, well, she's really present, like when I'm talking with her, no matter what, she is super present with what's happening. And then we're back to I feel really seen and heard by her, because she's so present on a regular basis, right? So now that becomes my calling card when other people are talking about me. Now that becomes my opportunity when they're introducing me at a networking event. I love working with Kirsten. She's so great. She's super focused, she's a lot of fun. She's very energetic and dynamic, right? And then and I tell him, I'm a speaker. Oh, great. Well, I actually have some other thing. I said one sentence, and next thing, you know, I have an opportunity. Yeah, right. So that's an example of how this works, and it does. So we call body language strategy. It's body language from the inside out. We start from the brain. We go to the skeleton. Structure with confidence. We then work with the flow of the body and the movement incompetence. Then we're working with trust. How much space are you using? What does that look like? And then approachability is all about what you're doing on your face. You know, are you smiling? Most people don't realize they're not smiling. They think they are, and they're and they're smiling. Things or the RBF, yes. Like, semester, nobody wants to talk to
Christa 35:31
you. Yeah, recommend people talk to themselves in the mirror. Like, how can like, like, what are some tips that people can do in their home right now to the maybe don't have the the opportunity to work with you directly. Well, what are some little tips that they can hack? Do they have a conversation in front of the mirror? Because it is true, I think that we're smiling. And I can remember when I was a cheerleader in high school, you watch a video back and you're like, oh, I need to be smiling. You actually have to be smiling more or bigger, really big. Yes, actually make it. It's almost like, if you see somebody on stage, and then you see them up close, you're like, oh my gosh, you're wearing so much makeup, but you had no idea when they were on that stage, right? So, right? You actually have to amplify, I think, more than what you think, yeah, do you recommend you're playing? It's like, crack, yeah, conversation, video or in the mirror. That's
Speaker 1 36:19
a big part. They do reflection with me. So we do recording homework. They they record themselves, they send you. But just doing that at home, practicing in the mirror, you need their feedback of a reflection, whether it's doing it in front of a mirror or recording yourself and watching and be like, Well, I hate watching myself on a video. Yeah, here's the thing, and this is how you get rid of it. Get over it. Yeah, that's that, because everybody's seeing you anyways. Do you want to know what everybody's seeing, or are you just going to leave it to the big old unknown, cuz that's going to make you feel more anxiety, right? So get to know what people are seeing. That's the main thing. Get to know what other people are saying that. Get to know the permission you're giving, because that's the door you're opening or that's the door you're closing. And the beauty is, that's your choice, but make sure you're making that choice knowingly. I
Christa 37:10
think it's important for people to understand that, to get better at communicating or approach you know, situations with more confidence, to learn that you gotta be open to feedback, right? I mean, anybody working with you, you've got to say, are you? Are you open to feedback? Because, yeah, I mean, to get better. Sometimes it does take rewinding a little bit and unlearning whether that's in your body language I'm hearing or your muscle memory, and just kind of getting over it and and saying I'm open to this feedback, right?
Speaker 1 37:41
Yes. And I tell, you know, soon it doesn't matter, even if I'm at a friend's birthday party, assuming, as soon as someone introduces me as a body and language expert or a body and language strategy, all sudden, everybody's really like, I don't know what to do with my hands. And they're really squirt for me. And they're like, Oh, you must be totally, you know, just ripping me apart and criticizing me. And I said, I'm not here to criticize, I'm here to encourage. And the way I see people like walking around through kirsten's eyes is I see people like Lego pieces, and I see all the Lego pieces. I'm like, oh, man, we can make something really cool with this. Like, we've did this here and that here and this here. Look how cool that is, right? That's how I see people. I don't look at people go, Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm leaving. That's not my way, and that's definitely not what we do at the Blei. It's fully through encouragement. What's the amazing greatness that we can bring out for you? And we don't do it in a cookie cutter way. You know, everybody needs to show up with their own gifts, and we help people shine out who they are at their core space, so they can get permission for greatness in their own lives.
Sheree 38:50
Can I ask a personal question? Absolutely, I'm really curious. I've heard so many people talk about and I've seen when you watch different people. You learn from different people. They do different things. And so many people like, Oh, you shouldn't be talking with your hands as much, or you, you know. And it's something that I do. It's just and I know a lot of people do it. I've also seen other people like, they record their videos or whatever, and then obviously glued down by their side, and they're not super interactive. And I'm wondering you're saying it's such a personal thing. So is that something you'd then embrace, like, I feel like it's just part of my personality that I use my hands. I know a lot of people do talk with their hands. And is that something that you'd then be like, Okay, well, it's more effective if you use it a little bit less. I'm not, I'm just really curious about the whole hand movement when you talk. So
Speaker 1 39:37
the main thing is move. Yeah, right. Humans find movement very, very attractive. You know, for look at sports, yep, we pay 1000s and 1000s of dollars. We buy, we'll buy chairs, we'll, we'll buy the jerseys. We'll, we'll paint our faces. We'll scream at the TV like we'll act like maniacs. X because someone's running around, yeah, and that's all they're doing, like they're doing it really, really well, but that's it, okay? And we get so emotionally invested. That's how innately ingrained we are in in liking movement. Okay? Now the kind of movement depends on what kind of house do you want to build, right? So we go back to the house. What kind of house do you want? Do you want a cute little cottage? Okay, is this a little beach bungalow, or do you want a giant mansion? Okay? And it all is based on the foundation. What is the foundation of your message? Okay, okay, so that's why it's not cookie cutter. Yeah, it depends. Now there are universal factors with this, so specifically with hands, I will say this because it always, what do we do with my hands? I wouldn't get that question so hands. And the reason why that question is so prominent is hands are very, very emotional when we show the palms of our hands, okay, we are showing openness. We are showing vulnerability. And when we're showing the back of the hands, that's when we're showing a boundary. So when we go, like, if we're going to put our dukes up, right, we really, you know, like, I'm going to curse this up on fernia, okay? I was like, hey, no, no, no, it's good. Or, if you think you're like, a big hug, right, that's the hands coming right at you. Or most of the religions have some kind of open palm factor in them, okay, all the major religions do, or a wave, right? Hi, you're welcome. Okay, now the movement of the hand is what dictates what kind of emotion you're showing. So if it now, if the hands are going all over the place, we can't land that emotion with you, right? That's the trick. So that's what I want people to pay attention to. Is where do you want them to land with you emotionally? If you want a really smooth, very peaceful thing, then the hands need to move slower. We need to show more of the palms. Okay, you want to get people riled up like, Yeah, let's go. Okay, it's like jazz hands. They're moving all over the place. It depends on what kind of house you want. Yeah, right. So that's where it is important to be very, very clear on your message. Be very, very clear on the permission you want to give. And then that's why we strategize. Okay, what kind of body language do we want with that? So it's not just one thing fits all. It's it is a strategy altogether.
Christa 42:38
It's so fascinating to me that, like I've said before, we all know this because we respond that way, but we're just so unaware of that. You know, it's just, I love learning stuff like that. I love digging deeper into like, oh yeah, of course, that's the way that it is. But we're just walking on autopilot and don't well,
Speaker 1 42:59
we have a lot of distractions. We have many, many, many, many distractions.
Christa 43:04
It's a protective mechanism. If we all I recently watched a movie. It was fascinating, but it was about a specific autistic person who solved a specific problem. But the cool thing about how some people have, let's say, autistic there on the spectrum, is that they can really they have a specific gift, because, for the most part, and the whole world couldn't operate that way. But they have their gifts because they can really be specific and hone in on certain thing, like, oh, hyper focus, and then bring to light something that we're like, oh, I we didn't even see it. Because we do have to operate, let's be honest, kind of high level, because we have a lot of inputs in our brain. But I just love it when, when a little aspect of this kind of pops out, and then you use it as a tool for your favorites and your favorite No, be aware, and a
Speaker 1 43:51
little bit goes a long way with body language. A little bit goes a long way. So that's where you know, again, I've strategized in all for those areas, what is confidence look like? And how do you show up in that? What is competence look like? And that's the one where people want to spend money. That's the money maker right there. And that all has to do with fluidity. You know, what's the fluidity of your body and the fluidity of your voice? That that's a huge part of our communication and our physical marketing is what I like to call it. And so that's when I think, when I walk into the room, I actually just had this happen. Last week, I walked in, sat next to a new person at a networking event that I normally go to, and as soon as I got up and introduced myself and then sat back down, he goes, I knew you were an important person. I could tell by how you walked in.
Sheree 44:46
Wow, it all starts from right. And
Speaker 1 44:49
I'm like, well, thank you very much. But the thing is, when I say, Hey, I teach this. I don't have to sell it because I literally walk it, you're shifting your way of
Christa 44:59
being. Being. It's, it's not the doing, it's the being. Because somebody could come up there, and I have been in the same room as you, and you can feel it, and I think that it's, yeah, because somebody else who is very nervous or jittery, or, first of all, you're not putting the whole audience at ease at all. It makes the audience, or whoever, even one on one, feel uncomfortable, if they can sense that you are uncomfortable, so the person can be saying the same exact thing, but it's the way of being. Is what you're saying,
Speaker 1 45:24
like, just absolutely well, and that's what I call being on your core, yeah, and I use that term core specifically because we talk about your core balance space, which core is represented in many different areas in body language strategy. So yes, it's that's another way of saying is in the being. But there are core areas that you need to address to be able to stay on your core.
Sheree 45:45
And there's like, I love that we keep coming back to the compete, like the competence piece, but also the confidence piece. And like you're saying when you walk into a room, I remember years ago being told like and you feel so ridiculous doing it, but like you stand with your hands on your hips and like you're a Superman or your Wonder Woman pose, and that automatically boosts your testosterone, and like, you walk into the room with so much more confidence with that. And right? It sounds like there's so much more to it than just these little things that we can do. It's how you hold yourself after that. Yes, we can do these little practices, but it's, it's going into, okay, I've done that, I've done whatever warm up exercises that I need to do. And now the real workout, I suppose, is going into the room and being able to hold that confidence, then being able to exude the competence and the other areas that you really touch on. And so if there was one thing that you could say to people, if they could start now, where you know like to be able to start, start to practice walking into that room with that confidence. What would you say?
Speaker 1 46:54
Two things I would say, lift your ears. Okay.
Sheree 46:58
How do you do that?
Speaker 1 46:59
So it's because that, here's what I see it I'll tell people to, Okay, stand tall, stand at your full height, and then I'll send their chin like, Yes, right? Okay, I'm really tired. Oh, that is not what we're shooting for. Okay, so just lift your ears towards the ceiling, and that elongates the body to your natural height. That's the thing is, you want to be at your natural height, because then that puts the body into its highest level of esthetic and symmetry. It also opens all the space for all your insides to do everything they need to do to energize you. Yeah. So always walking around with your ears as tall as they can be. And then before you walk into a room, and, more importantly, before you walk out of a room, smile. Don't wait until you get into the room. Don't stop doing it as you're leaving the room, because you never know who's on the other side of the door. Okay, so be in that flow of and this is you giving permission to walk in? You're giving yourself permission before you're asking other people to connect with you. Of okay, I'm going to be in a positive space before I even go in here, and I'm definitely going to be in a positive space when I leave. And that shifts your energy like crazy, and it really shifts, how easily and how quickly people want to connect with you.
Christa 48:27
That's amazing. And I'm only five feet, so I'm raising my ears constantly now
Unknown Speaker 48:32
keep those ears nice and tall.
Christa 48:37
Thank you so much for just really invaluable information. And where can people first of all, you work virtually. Am I correct? So people
Speaker 1 48:46
can work that is correct. I work with everybody, all around the world. Yes, amazing.
Christa 48:50
So how can people connect with you? Then, to explore more of what you offer, they
Speaker 1 48:56
can go to my website, which is www BLE institute.com, institute.com, and if they would like to connect with me personally, they can go to the meet the founder page, and there's my bio right there. And then it also has, there's a button to schedule a call with me so they can connect with me right there. There. We have all of our courses. I do have body language courses that are available on the website, and then I also have other coaches that they can connect with love that
Christa 49:27
I will definitely put that in the show notes as well, so that people can just put the click the link and follow you. Because this is just, I have thoroughly enjoyed this conversation. I think it's just no matter what you're trying to accomplish in life, even if it's just stronger relationships in your community and in your family, I think all of this applies to just your inner well being and developing those relationships. So thank you so much for sharing so many gems. Absolutely
Speaker 1 49:52
my pleasure. Thank you for this opportunity. I really appreciate it's a blessing.
Sheree 49:57
Thank you. Bye.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
