Christa 0:00
Today we have such an amazing guest, a great friend of mine, Sam Harvey. She is a former pro dancer, and fitness expert. She has turned performance coach activator and guide helping women step into their next level in their mind and their body and their business. And some of our story is after leaving her decade long career with Radio City Rockettes she went through a divorce she built to multiple six figure businesses, and she's now become a mindset ninja and champion of women, just really stepping into their fully expressed and powerful selves. I mean, are you feeling the chills yet she just really brings the energy. Some of Sam's clients have even left their jobs to travel the world walked away from unfulfilling relationships, they've built side businesses into empires. She really has this masterful way about her and masterful energy to really help you shift mindshare mindset and your energetics. So I cannot wait for you to hear our conversation today with his beautiful powerhouse Sam Harvey. Okay, so Sam, I'm so incredibly excited to have you. And this conversation I know is just going to impact so many people. So we'll just dive right in something that you have said in the past. And I would love it. If you would expand on it, you stopped looking for the magic pill and you became the magic? Can you just expand on that a little bit?
Speaker 1 1:31
Well, thank you both for having me here. I'm so excited to play with both of you. And oh, that quote, yes. So I feel and I'm sure that a lot of your listeners might fall into this category, that I was always searching for the validation. I was always searching for the words of affirmation. I was always searching for the next thing, the next certification, the next promotion, the next thing to show me to prove to myself that I was on the right track, or that I was getting it right or that I mattered or that I was worthy. And I really tied all of my value to external things, how much money I had in the bank account, what my relationship status was, what the scale said, what my body looked like. And I always was chasing something because it was always external. I was always looking for that thing. And I finally had that shift of I don't know if I can cuss on here, but like, Oh, f Oh, fuck yeah, I've been looking outside of myself. And when I started looking within when I started finding my worth, just because I was born just because I was existing, finding love in all of the dark crevices and all of the dark spaces, all of the things that I felt uncomfortable about or ashamed of once I started shining light on that, and realizing that it didn't matter what was happening outside of me that I was worthy, that I was powerful that I had all the magic within me, I feel like everything shifted.
Sheree 3:06
I think so many including myself can relate to just about every aspect of that, but especially being you know, in this headspace and and on the past, you've been in the health and fitness space, and so much of society has conditioned us to look at the body image to look at, you know, looking outside of our marriage it Do we have kids? Do we have the white picket fence like have we ticked all the boxes by a certain age, and when we don't, at that validation can really start to eat us up? I know, from what you've shared that, you know, you do identify as being a former perfectionist. And so I'm wondering, like, what steps did you start with, to shift out of this need for that external validation, this need for that control, and really shift into owning your magic and power?
Speaker 1 3:52
Oh, that's so good. It's so good. So I feel like there's some really practical, tangible things. And I love giving super practical, tangible things. But there's also some, like, you know, social things that are a little bit harder. So I'm going to try to hit both. And so I'm gonna actually start with a tangible I started unfollowing people that didn't make me feel good. So as I was transitioning out of the bikini fitness competition world, I had to unfollow every woman that was posting about her abs, or her macros, or the things that she was eating because I automatically went into comparison. So my first piece of advice is to get rid of anything that makes you feel less than unfollow the people. Turn off the news, turn off the things and separate yourself from the things that make you feel or trigger that feeling of not being good enough. I, on a practical level, also really started diving into personal development, and that I really created sacred rituals. i It used to be a quote unquote morning routine for me where I would read my personal development book, I'd say my affirmations I'd write down the things that I wanted, but there was a shift shift in that where it originally started as a thing I needed to do and check off my to do list and shift it into a ritual. And it became a sacred ritual. And by shifting it from a thing I needed to do into a way of being and an experience for me to dive into my divine truth, my guides God source spirit, my connection to myself, it allowed me to be with me, without it needing to be something to check off the list. And so my sacred morning rituals have evolved over the years, but they include and every day is different. I know you guys talk about hormones, you talk about cycles, you talk about all of that. And so my personal ritual started to reflect that. So during certain seasons of my cycle, my morning rituals might be sleeping in a little bit more, or laying under the covers, and just breathing. Some mornings. It's intuitive movement and connecting with my body and my hips and my Sacral Chakra, some mornings, it's journaling and really breathing life over who I am and what I'm here to do, and really my big vision. And so really creating a shift into those sacred practices supported me and releasing the perfection and also realizing that I'm a part of nature. And nature is not one thing, nature is not all sunshine and rainbows. It's not all beautiful days. But Mother Nature has thunderstorms and lightning and tornadoes and waterfalls, and also those beautiful days. And so it gave me permission to also be one with nature to be my fullest self that I could rage and have a really crappy morning and get it out of my system and come back to my alignment. I could also be super happy. And trust that that was also a flavor like I was allowed to be happy. And I think that a lot of women don't give themselves permission to feel the expanse of feelings that we actually feel as women like, God forbid, we're too happy or were too successful. You know, we feel like we're too much. And on the flip side, it's like, oh, there's something wrong with me if I'm upset, and I want to cry, and I want to snuggle and eat chocolate ice cream, like, in fact, there's nothing wrong with you. And so when we can come back to we are fluid, we are feminine, we are part of nature, I think it takes a little bit of that pressure off to be quote unquote, perfect. I feel like I could keep going. But I'm gonna pause there in case you guys want to jump. No, I
Christa 7:23
love it. I mean, I think perfection is something that a lot of people who are high achievers struggle with. In fact, that's a lot of times the dangling carrot. And so to really appreciate the fact that we get to be light and dark and we get to be sad and happy. And we get to be all of those things. And none of it is wrong, I think is a really amazing thing that should take a moment push pause on this podcast and let that sink in. When
Speaker 1 7:46
I feel sorry, I'm gonna jump in there too. I think there's also a piece of loving, our imperfections are loving the things that are perceived imperfections because I don't believe that we actually have imperfection I think they're perceived imperfections. We've been taught from society, from social media, from the news from on on one lens, we've also are carrying this ancestral DNA, we have these imprints from our past lives if we want to go there, but we have all of these factors that are shaping our way of viewing the world. And so when we can get off autopilot and look at that programming and go, Is this actually true for me? Or is it okay for me to love the cellulite on my legs? it okay for me to love the stretch mark on my hips? Is it okay for me to love these pieces of me that society is telling me are quote unquote, not perfect or not acceptable. And I think that's the real work is falling in love with every single part of you. And that self love work like no woman's like, I just need to love myself more like no one's excited for that. But when we get into these practices and these rituals of like, how do I accept myself? Can I hold the both? And can I hold this piece of me that I don't particularly love that I feel is like embarrassing or shameful or whatever? And also find gratitude for my experience. Can I hold this part of me that's like, Oh, and also be okay with that. And so being able to hold all of these different flavors of ourselves without judgment is the trick. It's like the secret code. And
Christa 9:19
in theory, it's so easy. And I know that it's not but you're right. I mean, even within our country, in different cultures, different body shapes are more acceptable, right? Just because you're in a different culture just because you're a different skin color. Let's say certain body types are more accepted than others. There won't. It's just it is really crazy. It's very eye of the beholder kind of thing and you get to choose you are the ultimate eye of the beholder. And so it is it's simple in concept, but it is it does take a shifting and a daily kind of growing in that. So I love that you said because ultimately everything is neutral. It's what we put value on what we put opinions on. I've also heard you say If that and I can relate to this, because this is also one of my core values, which is freedom, right? So, freedom is a big one, like, I want to be free, I don't want to be trapped. But the irony of this is that a lot of people who are high achievers are always in search of freedom, and yet always feel trapped. So how do you how did you navigate that where you genuinely not just saying, but genuinely feel free, like you have arrived to that space of freedom?
Speaker 1 10:30
You know, it's so fascinating because I just got home from a ceremonial weekend, I was in ceremony every single day, non psychedelic, like full connection to Source and my vision. And all of all of these things had a lot of healing this past weekend. And freedom was one of the biggest themes. So I'm like giggling to myself, that you're bringing this up, and I'm so excited to talk about it. And I think that what we desire is freedom. But we don't define what freedom means to us. So there was a point in time when freedom to me meant being able to travel the world and go wherever I wanted to go and be able to, you know, go at the phone call of a friend and be like, Yeah, sure. I'm going to Italy this weekend. Okay, next weekend, I'm going to Miami next weekend, I'm going to San Diego. And that felt like freedom to me, I'm in a chapter in my life now where freedom is like, can I buy a house and make sourdough bread? And, you know, step into this, like next chapter with my partner. And I think it's really important, again, that we get off autopilot. And we stop looking outside of ourselves for what our definition of freedom means. And look within what would it feel like for me, in this body, with this vision with these goals with these desires to feel free? What does that feel like for me, and so for some people feeling freedom might be being able to walk past a mirror and look at themselves and not have a nasty thing to say and not judge themselves. For some people freedom might look like being in a corporate nine to five, and being able to have so much fun with their family in the evenings on the weekends. For other people freedom might look like starting their own business, or leaving the relationship or being able to step into relationship with their heart shields down and be able to actually say I love you again. And so when we look at this overarching experience of freedom, I think it's really a personal experience. And so what I would invite us into is journaling or visualizing and really giving yourself that time and space to step out of autopilot. And to drop in and say what does it mean to me to feel free? What does it mean to me to feel free in my body, to feel free in my finances to feel free in my expression, whether that is you dancing, or making art or the way you show up online, you know, feeling free in your body to wear the lipstick or wear the outfit or express your sensuality? Freedom literally has so many different flavors. And I think it's really up to us to again, take ownership and say if I really was the leader of my life, like if I was truly in charge of everything, everything I created everything I was becoming everything I had, what would freedom be to me what would freedom feel like and look like? And so I think from that space, then we get to explore okay, if I really want to feel freedom, this is an example from my life a couple months ago. It's like I really just want to go back to Tulum. I really love how I feel into loom I feel super in my feminine and I feel really relaxed, I feel surrendered. I feel really creative. It's really good for my business and my work. But in my life, it just like wasn't feasible for me to go to to loom so instead of being like up, I'm fucked. I can't, I can't get my level of freedom. Instead, I asked myself, What would I do? If I was in Tulum? Like, how would I feel free, and the visual that came to me is, well, I'd be in my bikini, and I would go to the beach and I do my morning routine and my rituals and I meditate in my bikini. So guess what I did here in my apartment. I put on my bikini I put on my like beautiful sarong, I made it like really feel look luscious, and luxurious. And I meditated in my bikini for like a week. And it was hilarious and ridiculous, obviously didn't transport me to to loom. But it started to create a shift in my body and my energetics that allowed me to tap into that feeling of freedom without actually being in Tulum. So I think a lot of people ask us to like, Well, how do I feel free in my finances, if I'm still in debt? Or I have these things? Or how do I feel free in my business, I would invite you into, like, what do you want to feel? How does that feel inside your body? And what can you do today to experience that feeling? And then we start to build that frequency within the body and you start attracting things that allow you to feel more free? I don't know if I answered your question, but I just
Christa 14:39
absolutely did. And it resonates so well, because that's exactly what I've kind of like the fact of the matter is, when we talk about abundance, we talk about freedom, which freedom is, is abundance. It really is always available to us, like God put us here with everything that we absolutely need. Right and so freedom is available to us, but it's that it's that shift in It's the what does that feeling of freedom? What what does that feel like? And then we can create that. Yeah, just energetically without any external things having to change. And the interesting thing I was leaving my house this morning to come to my office, and, you know, it's like I've created and built my own practice. And some ways people are like, Oh my gosh, you're created this like, box that you're like nailing yourself into this corner, and you can't leave. And to be honest, it's freedom to me to be a business owner with all of the responsibilities because why? Because it's something I'm creating, it's on my terms, it's what I'm doing. So from the outside, it may look like I'm not creating freedom, but it feels like freedom to me. And so it's true, it is very personal. And I think that the way that you explained getting in your bikini in, you know, good thing, you're at least in San Diego, I mean, you're not in.
Speaker 1 15:53
I turned my little theatre on, I was like gonna wear socks with my bikini.
Christa 15:58
But it's such a tangible thing to really tap into and explore what does the feeling of freedom mean for me because it is, it's very different.
Sheree 16:04
And I think, like what you did beautifully is really tie it back to what we talked about right at the beginning where that external need that external needs to go to Tulum, that external need to be somewhere else for you to access that freedom, when in reality, you had that mindset shift, you were able to go actually, I can feel that right now, like you say, attune my body to that frequency. And I think that's something I'd love to dive into the energetics a little bit more with you because it's such a juicy conversation. And I know so many people value that freedom. And I also hear what you're saying is be so intentional with your actions, right? Like you say, being on autopilot can really just throw you in all directions, and you wind up at the same space the next year, the next month, and next week, wondering what on earth happens, because you were not intentional with how you showed up how you want it to feel the goals you want it to sit and achieve. And so I know a lot of the listeners, a lot of our clients really can swing from like, one pendulum to the other one extreme to the other. We love this idea of living wildly Well, right. That's the intention of the podcast. But when we've got this need for this adventurous life, and you've already shared the example of Tulum, and I love how that kind of bridges the gap there, but how do you, whilst you're embodying this freedom, whilst you're embodying this beautiful like radiance that you exude live wildly well, like and actually not feel like you're fluctuating from one extreme to the other.
Speaker 1 17:34
That is so good. And I so resonate, like, I used to be an all or nothing girl, like I was all in or all out. And I think that is maybe just a part of like how I'm wired. And also, I've learned how to support that side of me so that I can be really efficient and effective in my in my life in my world. And what I hear you say all of this, what comes through is something that I share with my clients, and it's about self love. But I think we can tap into the freedom piece and wildly well as well is it's not about right or wrong. So if I'm going to go eat the salad, or eat the ice cream, there's no right choice or wrong choice. It's simply what am I choosing in this moment? And how am I going to interpret it? So I might ask myself, if my goal was to really love myself deeply, I would ask if I deeply loved myself, what I choose to eat the salad. And some days, it's going to be a heck yes. And then there's also going to be some days that if I deeply love myself, I'm going to choose the ice cream, and give myself permission to be where I am. And to trust that I am choosing for my highest good and my intention of loving myself deeply. So if I'm coming with the intention of I want to live wildly, well, what choices would I make from that space? So if I can adopt feeling wildly well as a way of being how does that inform my decision makings? How does that inform my thought patterns and my beliefs? And how does it really inform my actions? And so I think that when we pause to ask ourselves and get curious, that's where we can really make shifts and it doesn't necessarily have to be some like giant, crazy, I'm quitting my job and I'm moving across the world. And I'm doing all of it like, yes, I've had clients do that, and it's beautiful. But some of the most potent and powerful shifts are internal, the ones that no one sees, and it starts with that pause. I think the pause is so powerful. If we're getting off the autopilot, and we're really looking at intention, can we just pause, come back to the intention. My intention is to live my healthiest, most abundant life if my intention is to live free if my intention is to be super abundant or peaceful or easeful, or happy or loving or whatever it is, what choice would I make that then. And I think the key here is that it's not asking you to be confident, right? A lot of my clients are like, Sam, I just want to feel confident in the boardroom, I want to feel confident on social media, I want to feel confident in my clothes. It's not like I gotta wait until I'm confident to have the result. It's, if I was confident, what would I do? And so it's inviting us to step into this next level of ourselves before we maybe feel like we're there. And so it starts to bridge the gap between where I am now and where I want to be. And so for all the all or nothing ladies out there, if you are connected to your vision, can you ask yourself, what is it that I will feel in my vision? And how do I step into that version of me now? How do I start feeling like her now? How do I start thinking like her now? How do I start making actions from her mindset, so that I become her now, not waiting for the external to then feel like I've made it to that point.
Christa 20:55
I love this, I've actually set timers on my phone to go off with three words that describe my higher self to remind myself who I'm becoming. Right,
Unknown Speaker 21:04
I'm so good. You could step into
Christa 21:06
that now. So that thing,
Speaker 1 21:09
she's already make it so hard. Like sometimes you make it so hard, like, oh my gosh, to become this version of me, I've got to go undergo all of this transformation. And sometimes like, and I'll be honest, I've done a lot of personal development I've been in the space for over I don't know, it feels like eight 910 years at this point. And there was a point in time that I felt that I needed to do this deep shadow work. And I needed to crawl through the mud and I had to break down these things. And sometimes yes, we get to go super deep so we can expand. But sometimes, especially for the overachievers, we get stuck in that it's a way of sabotaging ourselves to get stuck in the cycle of never actually getting to where we want to go. And so I would invite us into what if it could be easy? Let it be easy. What if it could be fun? What if it could happen? Literally, with a drop of a hat?
Christa 22:03
Yeah. So to switch gears slightly, you've also been open about your past, you've been open about going through divorce, you've been open about the struggles of letting a dance career in one form. Go Yeah, but what's cool, and I think what people can really see, especially on the other side is that you've made all of these hard decisions in honor of yourself. What I'm curious for you to share with others is you've kind of you know, gone through it, and you're on the other side of some of this, but what advice do you have for people who are kind of in that grieving, regretting? What did I just do space? Because it's a mucky, icky space? And what advice do you give for people to hold true to their initial intention to do a hard decision for themselves?
Speaker 1 22:51
Oh, that is such a good question. And I think it's something I literally have chills, I think it's something people don't talk about. Sometimes choosing ourselves does not feel easy. Sometimes it is the hardest thing that we will ever do to go against family to go against society to go against what we think is expected of us in our society, we are not taught as women to choose ourselves, we are taught and this is through historical patterning, ancestral patterning as well, that we need to rely on our community, we need to rely on our fathers and our brothers specifically for looking back to like when patriarchy stepped in. And so I want to acknowledge that the patterning runs really deep, like really deep. And what people don't talk about is chosen grief. And I have a friend that will talk about living deaths. Anytime that we step into a new version of us ourselves, we are moving through the death of an old identity to become the new version of us. And we have to be willing to burn it all down in order to stay in alignment with our truth. Now it doesn't again, doesn't have to be so dramatic that we're like burning shit down and starting over from scratch. But sometimes, that is what happens we have to be willing to be so in alignment with our vision with who we know we're meant to become that we are okay with an open to letting relationships go letting jobs go, letting identities go letting friendships go, because at the end of the day, it's a conversation between you and you. And I know for me, my biggest fear is getting to my deathbed and feeling like I never made it feeling like I chose everyone else. And I never followed my heart. And I know that I'm here for giant impact. And I know that a lot of women that I work with and you guys work with as overachievers we know that we're meant for big things, whether that is big things in our family, big things in our community, big things on a global scale. And so in order to walk that path, we are going to experience grief. And so I just want to honor it and say number one, I witnessed you I see you I feel you I've done it, and it's not easy and And it is so worth it. And so we have to be willing to choose the uncomfortable path in order to really become who were meant to be. And so if you are in that, number one, I want to say, great fucking job, like you did the hard thing, if you already rip the band aid off, and you're in the midst of that journey, well done, it is the phoenix rising from the ashes, sometimes you gotta burn it down, and become everything we're not so that we can become who were meant to be. And so in that journey, I think it's incredibly important to stick to your rituals, to surround yourself with women who will breathe life into you, when you forget who you are. And that's one of my specialties. So I love working in community and groups and with women specifically as we forget who we are. And so when you are in groups and containers with women who can shine the light back on you who can hold the mirror up and say, This is how powerful you are. This is where you're going. You are supported, you are so capable. It's like the wind beneath our wings. And so support is incredibly important. And, again, just tapping into your greater truth. And I love those rituals of journaling, of connecting to your god source spirit, Cosmos, whatever you believe in, of being in a movement practice, and not specifically gym, I'm going to be really like clear here like I love a workout. But I think that there's something really powerful about it, and intuitive movement practice, where you're really connecting with your body. And believe me, I love the gym. But it just is a really different energetic experience. I think tapping into your future self all the time, is really important to to stay on the path. And really just trusting yourself knowing that it's okay if it's hard right now, we live in seasons, if we go back to the metaphor of Mother Nature, we live in seasons, she lives in cycles, just like our menstrual cycle. We move through seasons in our life and grief can be a season. Grief can be a season, it's only a season, and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, there will be those sunshiny beautiful days. And also we get to expand our capacity to feel and to hold. So can you hold the grief and hold the vision of where you're going? Can you be so excited and proud of yourself for taking the leap and the risk, and also honor and acknowledge all of the grief and the feelings? So I think there's a lot in there, that gets to happen. I feel like I need to do a course on this, to be honest with you. But you can be really
Christa 27:32
great to some of the hardest, whether it's a breakup, whether I think people think of grief, it's like they somebody dies, right? That's like, there's so much more to grief in life and even moving from one city to the next. That's grief, moving from one job to the next. Leaving behind a girlfriend friendship, there's just so many different things giving up alcohol and maybe the life that all that wrapped up in, you could experience grief. I mean, there's just so many layers to it. And I think the thing about grief is oftentimes you feel very alone, like the whole world isn't feeling it. It's almost like having nausea, like you feel like how's anybody eating? You feel like it's all encompassing your world. It's clouding everything that you do and feel and say, and yet it feels like nobody else can relate. So it's it feels isolating, even though there's plenty of us. If you're human, you understand the feeling of grief. But yet we're kind of closed off to it. And so I think yeah, I mean, you spoke about that powerfully. And I think that you have moved through grief at different levels for different reasons in life that people can relate to. Because it's not just about somebody dying, it's about a relationship ending or it's about a career ending or the vision that you thought you had for your life or like shifting suddenly, you know, and I think those are areas of grief that we don't tap into as much. Well,
Speaker 1 28:46
I think also I don't have children now. But I'm stepping into that chapter. And a lot of people aren't talking about the grief of your old identity as a single woman or as a woman that doesn't have children stepping into the portal and the initiation of childbirth, you get to grieve the version of you that you will never be again, while you can simultaneously be so excited for this expansion of your family and your baby and your child and all of the miracles and richness that that life has to offer. There's also a lot of grief for who you used to be. And that is like when
Christa 29:21
I had a lot of shame around that. I mean, I know between the three of us I'm the only one that's had children so far. And I had a lot of shame around having a baby, absolutely loving him. But there was some part of me that was grieving this youth this, whatever and I didn't really know how to healthily manage that. Right? It's like do I just go out with girlfriends more often do I go on more girls trips and leave the baby with my husband because I need this freedom. And then you feel guilty about and you see other moms that are just like all enraptured with being a mom and you feel this bit of guilt and because you're grieving this other stage, and that may not be true for everybody, but it definitely was for To me, and I didn't feel like I had a big outlet for that. And so thank you for acknowledging that it was. It's a beautiful new life, but it's leaving something that you all you knew yourself was this way. And it's a huge transition for some people more than others to step out of it. And it's a big one. Yeah. So thank you for acknowledging all areas of that I loved all that answering. Yes, yeah, please create a program for women, because I think it would be so invaluable. Well,
Speaker 1 30:28
I think I think the big thing that I'm hearing you say in that example, specifically, is just a kind of our capacity, like women are so powerful, like, we are so fucking powerful. We are the only ones that can literally birth consciousness through our bodies. And so we forget, like women are just magical fucking beings, we forget what our power is. And we've also forget our capacity to hold. And it doesn't mean that you have to hold, right. It's like, what can you put down? What can you outsource? What can you give to your partner or your therapist or your coach, or whoever is there to support you. And also look at how we have the capacity to hold so much, we can hold the grief, and we can hold the excitement. And I also would say like, just a real quick tangible, for my friends that are moving through grief, grief just does not mean that you're like sad and crying on the bathroom floor. It might be but it also includes rage. And I really believe in sacred rage practices. So you know, primal screaming, yelling into a pillow, punching a pillow, slamming a pillow on a bed, air punching or going to a boxing class, I do think that that one is really good breaking pencils, going to a rage room, like finding a way to get that feeling on the inside this frenetic energy out is going to be so powerful for you're moving through the feelings versus bottling it up. So that's for the rage, that's for the sadness, allow the tears to come that's how our nervous system resets tears are so cleansing and powerful, literally the saltwater, put your feet on the ground, take a shower and visualize the water rinsing off whatever it is that you're ready to release and see it going down the drain. Like there's so many different practices here that I think are really important. And again, we're not taught in our society. Because women remember we're like seen and not heard, we're supposed to be smiling and pretty, like we're not taught how to be sad and how to actually move it through our bodies. We're not taught about sacred rage and the expression of rage. And I think when women give themselves permission to tap into that and only tap into it, but also to allow it to move through we get to where we want to go faster. And we experienced this like breath of emotion and feeling in a way that we didn't give ourselves permission before like let it be messy get messy.
Christa 32:44
I love the Mind Body Spirit connection and in saying that body connection like using your body to release and let go of for me if I can't you know it's it's raging on the peloton, it's lifting a heavier weight, it's but that really does help you if you go in once again, going back to the intention. If you enter that, whatever you're doing, even if it doesn't look like rage at the gym, but you are you're moving that your intention is to let some of this like pent up anger, grief whatever through your body. I love it.
Speaker 1 33:12
I was so fit during my divorce I because I was rage sprinting. And I didn't know that back then I didn't have like the tools and the understanding. But I would put on like the loudest heavy metal music and I would just sprint like my 30 seconds on in my 60 seconds off. Like I loved it. And I couldn't tell you why I didn't understand. I think I intuitively knew that's what I needed to do. But I think bringing this conversation to light is so powerful for women. But yeah, super fun. It really has to
Sheree 33:42
know when it comes to anger, I also think it's something that there's a lot of shame around. And you know, even though personally, I am one to cry at the drop of a hat, I will cry in any movie about anything. And like I am not afraid of showing emotion. I know that some people getting that vulnerable is also really hard, like the sadness is hard to express and feel particularly around grief. But when we think about anger, it's almost associated very masculine, very like that's what guys do, they will get in a fight, they will throw the punches. Women are supposed to be far more held together. That can be the emotional bowl on the floor crying. But this pent up anger release can almost feel like even speaking from personal experience, scary. Like I remember absolutely, fully embodying my rage one time and being like, holy crap, where did that come from? I don't know if I can contain this. And so it was almost this fear of being able to go back there to express it. And so I'm curious with the practices that you do and what you teach. You have mentioned a number of them but how do you almost create that safety as well. So it's not like I'm going to end up spiraling down this rabbit hole whether it is with the tears and not feeling enough and looping in your head or whether it is like I'm going to lose my shit and I don't know if I'm going to come out the other side, like what do you do to really hold your power in that?
Speaker 1 35:04
That is an incredible question. And what I feel is actually happening when we allow ourselves to fully step in fully guttural scream, fully punch, fully cry as we're actually tasting our power. And we as women have been taught to fear it. And so what I invite us into is that if you actually allow yourself to go there, you're going to be able to move through it faster, you're going to learn this new version of you. And the fear that comes with it is just taught, it's taught from our society, it's taught. And so if it's been taught, we can also unlearn it. And so if you are someone that does have concerns, and of my clients have expressed this, like, Sam, what, what if I can't get it back, like, what if I rage so much, and I just, I can't come back to myself, like what happens, I would say, get support, like get support with with someone like a coach who can guide you through it on Zoom, who can be with you, and also give you those tools to ground yourself back in. Sometimes in my personal experience, when I'm like in a rage or in a cry, I almost feel out of body. And so having just simple tools to come back into your body, something as simple as taking your palms and just like gently tapping all over your body saying this is my body. This is my body, placing your feet on the floor and really feeling the pressure of your big toe, your second toe, third, fourth and fifth toes and your heel, visualizing golden roots moving through the floor, down through the earth all the way to the center of the Earth, planting you and allowing you to be here, taking deep breaths and feeling your hand on your heart and your hand on your pelvic bowl. Simply finding those small tools to get you back in your body feel really safe. I would also say from like an energetic level, I always invite my clients to create a sacred space when they do these practices. So whether that is lighting a candle, whether that is visualizing a circle of golden light around them, whether that is calling in ancestors, spirit guides God so spirit to support them in this or simply being on a zoom with me who can hold the energetics of it. I think that also provides us the permission and also safety to really go there knowing that you're energetically supported. And another small piece I would add just for like, energetic hygiene is saying that wherever this rage is going, or the tears are going, that we set the intention that it gets out of us, and it's sent back into the earth to be transmuted, or that we have little golden vacuums, vacuuming it up so that it's not going to someone else in our household or going towards our plants or going to anywhere else. And I think that that visual, whether you are into the energetic side of it, or simply into the visual, it provides, again, that safety net that allows us to fully surrender. And that's the other thing, a lot of high achieving women are in their masculine. And it's hard for us to soften into the feminine and actually surrender. And so part of going into these practices and getting uncomfortable is in the surrender, it's in the freefall, it's in the unknown. And it's allowing ourselves to be held, held either in you know, a coaching space held energetically held on the floor with your blanket. And it's a really beautiful practice of laying down the need to have it all together the need to have it look right or the need to be achieving, and really learn that like this is the work. This is the this is the game changer.
Christa 38:41
I love that you made the just the comment to the intention of not spreading, I like to call it the pain body, you know, it's in some of the pain, right like and you know, interestingly enough, we tend to have more of a propensity for this pain body, whether it's anger, grief, sadness, whatever you want to call it, around the week of our period, just hormonally, we tend to be more sensitive and more vulnerable to some of these things just being stirred up. And you might feel like really more of this that heaviness or that anger. And I think it is important to acknowledge and be aware of it as something separate from you. Because it's not you it's just an energetic thing. It's not you, but it can pop over to other people, right? Like your spouse, all of a sudden is in a grumpy mood, or your kids are all of a sudden just irritable, you know. So I think it is it's great. I think it's like no, I'm going to take ownership of this that's present for me right now. And I'm going to move through this with some of the tools that you shared with the intention of it moving on out of my space out of my household out of out of here, right like instead of just being angry and yelling at people in the in the family and then guess what? They're grumpy for the next three days, right? It really does just energetically kind of bounced around. And yeah, we see that in a family. Yeah, well, it's
Speaker 1 39:56
like emotion is energy in motion and And what women tend to do is one of two things, we either stuff it down, and then we implode on ourselves, or we explode on our co workers, our partner, our people. And if we take a pause and go like is this how I actually want to show up, the truth is no, like, no one wants to exploit their partner, no one wants to be nasty to their kids, no one wants to also turn it on themselves and just feel like they're constantly whipping themselves, we actually want to be connected to our higher selves. And so when we don't give ourselves permission to express and get this stuff out of us, then that's what tends to happen. And it all of a sudden, we feel bad. And we're in this weird spiral of shame and feeling more and being triggered. And so a lot of the work that I do is also permissioning permission permission to feel what you feel permission to release it in a healthy way, and effective way. And then permission to come back to finding your your homeostasis. And I think that a lot of women just need permission, they need permission, you got to be messy, you got to be real, you got to be raw,
Sheree 41:01
and all that you shared, how to hold for both. Because, you know, I actually had this come up with a client yesterday, and I see it come up time and time and time again, where there's almost this need for us to, okay, if I'm operating at my higher self, I have to always operate at my higher self, and I can't feel the grief, I can't feel the pain, I can't feel the anger, I need to like one of my clients where they're just like, Oh, I just want to be positive, positive thoughts all the time. And I'm like, That's not life. Though. We cannot live from that space. There's nothing wrong with having that intention of wanting to be more positive and sharp more beautifully and be more caring, and however you want to be in the world. But the way you describe like the fact that we can hold both, we can express both, we can have the permission to be both, even if it's at the same time. But it's not this need to be, again, going back to that one extreme or the other that all or nothing. So I really, really appreciate the way you describe that and painted that picture. Yeah.
Speaker 1 42:03
And I also think that we think that our higher self doesn't feel like why do we think that all of a sudden, our higher self is not going to be a human feels. In fact, I think that I feel more deeply now than I did eight years ago. And I have the tools to move through it. I give myself permission to feel everything. And if I'm thinking about my future self like, yeah, she's rockin and rollin. And she's she's got a lot of success in all these areas. But in no way shape or form. Do I think that she's never gonna get triggered again? Like, that's, that's impossible and impossible standard. And so, yeah, I always tell my clients like, Welcome to Earth school, like, can you be kind to your human while you're doing all the things? Can you be kind to that sweet little inner girl, that's, you know, if you're triggered, if you're upset, there's probably something going on, your inner little girl doesn't feel safe, whether it's the seven year old in you who just wants mom's attention, or it's the 16 year old who feels like uncomfortable in her body, or the girl who didn't have the attention from her dad, like, in your current life right now, when you are getting upset when you're getting angry or sad, or you're feeling something that's opposite or different than feeling happy? Can you find what it's triggering in your body? Can you find that version of you from when you were a kid? And can you instead of making her wrong? You would never tell a child like Stop yelling, like, go to your room, like be you know, like, get it together? Girl, you know, snap your fingers out or expect her just to like be okay, be happy? No, you'd probably be like, Oh my gosh, honey, come here, your feelings are hurt, like sit in my lap. Let me love you, you're beautiful. It's gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay. And so when we can start to really start treating ourselves with that love and care, and permission to feel all of the things. It's just a different experience. Love your human. I'll go back to that love your human.
Christa 44:04
I'd like to end up with one last, this has just been amazing. And we could literally talk for hours on each one of these things, because there's just so much juiciness in each one. But to kind of ended on a little bit more of a day to day practical question involving somatic tool. So first of all, if you can describe what a somatic tool really is, and you've kind of described it already, but and then I think just to give give high achievers give the people who are listening a bit of a somatic tool to overthinking this is where I'm going with this overthinking is very much a common problem. I think a common thread. Am I doing it right? Am I doing enough? Is this the right move in my career? All the things right? So they can be small choices or big choices, but I think high achievers are the brain is constantly going and there's just so many options and how can you use somatic tools use the physical sensation in your body to help will guide you in a decision that you can move forward with competence in. And
Speaker 1 45:06
so a somatic tool somatic Soma, meaning of the body, and so we are connecting the brain to the body. And for a lot of high achievers, especially my over thinkers, lets me high recovering over thinker, I would get really, really stuck in my head, I would run in circles, trying to figure out all the things I'd ask a million friends for advice, I would try to, you know, all that bullshit. And so, one tool is to ask yourself, if I saw this, not from my brain, but from my heart, what would my heart do? If I could see this fight with my partner instead of my brain? And my triggered ego? Could I see it from my heart? What would the lens of my heart say? So that's just like a quick little question. And then I love intuitive movement. I think it is so powerful, and I particularly love like sensual movement, because a lot of women are not taught to be connected with their power center. And if we're looking at chakras, your sacral chakra is your power center, your creativity, it's where your womb space is. It is your money maker. And a lot of us have been disconnected from that. And so I love having in my morning practice a connection to being in the body and being of the senses. So when we people think of sensuality, they immediately go to like sexy dancing, and look, I take pole classes. I absolutely love it. I'm a former professional dancer. That is my jive. However, when we can be in the body and move the body and connect with the senses. What am I feeling right now? Can I feel the shirt on my skin? Can I feel the socks on my feet? Can I feel the breeze or the heat from the heater on my skin? Can I check in with what I'm hearing? Do I hear my meditation music? Do I hear kids playing outside? Do I hear the garbage trucks going by? What am I tasting right now? Am I tasting like the tastes of my coffee? Or my lemon water? Am I tasting something from last night? What am I smelling? am I smelling food that's in the other room? am I smelling incense or a candle that's burning. And when we can connect with the senses, it brings us into the present moment. And so it allows us to kind of turn off the brain whatever I'm overthinking about and drop into the present. And so that is part of what I love about intuitive movement is okay, how can I move my hips? What can I feel? What are the sensations? I'm feeling as I move? My hips are moving my ribs? What does it feel like for me to open my chest and round my spine? What does it feel like for me to roll my neck side to side and just visualize golden honey in my body? And so some of these things allow us to be present in the current moment. I do want to make sure I answer that like if I have a question should Is it a yes or no? Should I do this thing or not? There's a really, really cool tool that is essentially like body dowsing. You're asking your body. Is this a yes. Or is this a no. And so I invite people when they do this to take a couple deep breaths and just really connect with their feet on the floor. Maybe putting a hand on the heart or hand on your pelvic floor or a pelvic bowl and just connecting with the body first taking a couple deep breaths and then asking yes or no questions to feel your body's response. So I would say is my name Krista. And I would feel what my body does. And that's a no My name is not Christian. My name is Sam. I would ask myself is it sunny out today? And I would feel if that's a yes or no, I would ask my body is my name Sam and I would start to determine what my body says is a yes and what my body says isn't known. For me personally My body ROCKS side to side for a no and it rocks forward and back for a guess you might feel an expansion in your body or a contraction in your body and those will tell you a yes or no you might feel that you move forward for a yes and a backwards for now it's really between you and your body. But what this practice does is it starts to really develop the connection that you have with your brain and your body. And it also connects you to your divine guidance system which is your body like you are an antenna and if you can connect with your God's source spirit unicorns, Cosmos whatever you believe in and ask for guidance in that way your body will tell you and so that's one of my favorite tools and again you can't rush it like I know my overachievers are like okay give me a yes give me a note give me a yes give me a no because I used to do that. But if you can be in the practice of really sitting with yourself and finding carving out that time for those morning rituals. This is a really great way to check in. Is this an experience that is going to expand my body is this a yes for my body or or is this a no? I love?
Christa 50:03
No. And I think one way to think about it is like, the intelligence running our body is breathe all night long, our heartbeats all night long. Like the intelligence living in our body, it's undeniable. We don't know exactly how we're digesting the food. We don't know how we're recreating another human in our uterus, like, these things are just innately in us because we have God's power in our body, right? Like God created our body. And so why couldn't we trust our body then to tell us yes or no? Why why not. And so I love your explanation of that. I think it also requires you to become more in tune with your body, which is also so important when it comes to physical health. Because when people get busy, busy, busy, you tend to deny anything, any sensation in your body, you're completely oblivious to your body. And the more you become in tune with your body, not only are you on top of health, physical health faster, but you also become so intuitive that you can Yeah, just like you said, Ask you yourself a question, I really feel that yes or no, within your?
Speaker 1 51:04
Well, I think, too, that the body tells us so much. And I know that you you guys talk about this, and you preach it and everything. But, you know, if we ignore what our spirit and our soul is telling us, we are going to experience physical symptoms. If we are not on our path towards our highest alignment, we're going to experience physical symptoms, if we are not taking care of our physical bodies, we're going to experience those physical symptoms. And sometimes the physical symptoms aren't because you ate something or you drink something like sometimes it is actually your soul nudging you to wake up to get off autopilot to really connect internally, and see where maybe things get to shift or not even shift, maybe sometimes it's just an acknowledgement. Sometimes it's just shining light on something that you're ready to let go of that you've been carrying around for 35 years. And so the body is talking, she is sacred. She is your divine vessel. And for whatever reason, your soul chose this body, this avatar to go through this lifetime. And so we get to be in the practice of really learning how to communicate with her and also how to listen, like how can we deeply, deeply listen. And if we go back and struggle back real fast, if we go back to the grief, or the rage, or the sadness? How often when you go to your partner, or your friends with your emotions, do people want to try to just fix it and make it better for you. And how uncomfortable is that? I know, for me that what feels the most nourishing, is being able to have someone that can just listen, that can just hold the space. And so how often are we simply not listening to our own bodies, that we're just trying to push through or fix it or you know, slap something on to like, make us pretend that we're better, we feel better? We're just gonna slap on some affirmations. But really, sometimes what the body is asking for is a space to be witnessed. Can we listen deeply to our own selves and our own inner guidance? So
Christa 53:10
it's so powerful and you know, we do we want to we want the discomfort to go away. And one way in response to like a partner, I've heard this said before to communicate with them. Do you need help? Or a hug? Like, what do you want help? Do you want? Because you know, mansplaining is the thing, like they want to fix all the things. As a mom, you want to fix all the things and I have to I have to catch myself with my kids to do you want hug or help or help? Like, you just need me to hold space, you just need to hug you and be here for you. Or do you want me to try to fix it? You know, because there's a difference. And I think that being able to talk it through and have somebody just hold space for you. A lot of times we do come to just getting it out, we come to our own conclusion. So thank you for acknowledging that as well. And thank you so much for being here. This has been mind blowing, like I could talk.
Sheree 53:56
Thank you so much.
Unknown Speaker 53:57
I can't believe it's been an hour. I'm like, Oh my gosh.
Christa 53:59
I know like I could talk like this forever. Sam, where can people find you? So you have powerful programs already. Now we're on the road to creating a program for grief just saying. I do and work with you and experience more of you. Yeah, I
Speaker 1 54:17
hang out the most on Instagram and if my Instagram is my name at Samantha Joe Harvey Joe was just Jay Oh, uh, send me a DM if you've listened this conversation and you're like, I need something here. This is interesting to me. Send me a DM say hi, tell me you listen to the podcast. I love love love connecting with women on Instagram. I also have a variety of different programs and masterminds and VIP one on one experiences. So if you're interested in diving deeper, I would love to chat with you about those. I have a podcast called the full out podcast and I dive into all of the things mind body spirit really about living your life full out being the fullest expression of yourself fullest expression of your free EDM fullest everything that you can imagine. And then I just started a new YouTube. I think we have we have a short series out right now. It's a seven step series literally called becoming her now. So if you're jiving with what we talked about today, all the episodes are under five minutes. It's like a mini training. And lastly, I have a brand new membership called Club full out. And inside the membership, we have guided movement meditations, we have audio pep talks, if you just need that, like two minute pep talk. I've got a bunch of those. We have trainings and we also have a monthly call. So if you're interested in any of those, DM me on Instagram, and we'll get you all set up. We
Christa 55:38
love it. You will not regret it was Sam. She is just miraculous as you just heard through this entire conversation. She's full of vibrancy. And yeah, I know that you're passionate about your work that you do with other women and you're so good at it. And I love you. Thank you so much for being here, Sam. Thank you.
Speaker 1 55:53
Thank you so much. So fun. You guys are awesome.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
